Why doesn’t that dude peel his eggs home like an American from the United States of America?

It’s a shame that you ruined this perfectly good critique with an economically unsound dig at capitalism. It seems that Hersey used the power of government to avoid having to compete with a superior product—that’s not capitalism. More capitalism results in higher quality: see those IPAs that other people are talking…

If you’re reasonably organized, and if you have a drop or two of charisma, be a teacher. I just signed my contract for next year and it’s for 188 days. That means I’m on vacation for six months out of the year. You can put up with anything for six months off a year, right?

The most pressing unanswered question: why is a nine-year old allowed to listen to Biggie?

That’s a boss story, my man. I haven’t thought about Mo Vaughn since the last time I thought about Carlos Quintana, and that’s been a long time. Also: I dig the jorts. I moved from Connecticut to Florida when I was four, and I wore jorts almost exclusively for the next 18 years or so—usually with my shirt tucked in,…

His nickname was “The Terminator.” He was awesome.

Man, me too, I absolutely loved Mike Greenwell. Back in the day, I was convinced that the Fenway Park left field history book would show a continuum of excellence running from Williams to Yaz, to, as their absolute equal, Mike Greenwell. Since he looked so cool, I always imagined his voice sounded like Clint…

I had a problem with my AT&T bill a few years ago, and went through the tortures of the damned trying to get it fixed—to no avail. Finally, on some message board, I found the phone number for the CEO’s office in Texas. I called that shit, and bounced around the switchboard for a little while, and finally got somebody…

#1 Kleptocracy? What about the Vatican?

Keith Ellison’s history of racism (per his affiliation with the Nation of Islam) is at least as objectionable as anything Al Franken ever did.

You’re too good for the internet.

Ha, see? Telling me to f-off is fine. Spraying me with mace is not fine. If you maced me while participating in black-clad mob violence, it might even be described as a little fascist-y. But whatever: semantics aside, we probably largely agree about most of the things (re: this issue) that matter.

I think the confusion probably lies with the fact that they dress in black and run lawlessly amok, destroying property and attacking people with whom they disagree. Calling them “antifascist” is indeed hard.

You know what’s funny? Your comment is, and will remain, grayed-out; however, the three dozen knuckleheads who responded, “FUCK YOU, BLUEBERRIES!” evidently meet Deadspin’s high standards for wit and witticism.

Not to be a pedantic douchebag, but you’re misusing the term “false flag operation.”

I also grew up in Dunedin, and I remember springtime at Dunedin Elementary School— our teachers would open the classroom doors, and we could hear the roar of the crowd. Great memories. However, my father was a long-running Dunedin city manager, and he actively rooted for the Blue Jays to lose every year. Greedy,…

In any case, isn’t Oklahoma the obvious answer? Who the fuck goes there, even accidentally?

What in God’s name is a sports story doing on Deadspin?

The problem with Rodriguez is that he stole Carlton Fisk’s nickname, and that’s stupid. Being stupid should keep you out of the HOF, right? Look at Schilling!