I fear for how he makes the children "take a nap".

Payment to the devil having been his soul and brain?

In quickly glancing at the picture of the attention-whoring light bulb changer, I thought she had a large boxed loaf of Velveeta on the counter next to her.

With all the new plays to learn, remembering "lefty loosey" just put him over the edge.

I read the pizza cake recipe, and the ingredients include "Butter, if desired." Um, duh!

Mine is set for 2am, every Wednesday.

Who is she sitting on?

ERG: Do you even lift, bro? Nick is fictional, and was not the server. Miguela was the non-obtrusive server.

Wouldn't it be "...from a three-breasted woman"? Unless there are a lot of achy-backed three-breasted women requiring therapy in Tampa...

Pour a little o for his fallen homie

Welp, you never know when someone might need a bloody bludgeoning.

Oh, he's that kind of special.

If that Center can't clear that gap, I believe I'd like to know if he's single.

They're parked in the handicapped zones, so I'm gonna go with seizures.

If only I'd been younger when I'd realized red Solo cup was a talent...

I think you get 8-10 years and a scarlet A.

"Mom? Mom? Make it go away!"

2 Schiano men<1 real man on the panel

If Mr. LowerName is a golfer, he's really good!

"Ok, mom, you happy now? I tried that stupid online dating thing like you insisted and no one responded. I told you there are no good men out there. Gah!"