A good friend knows whether it’s time to lie or time to tell the truth.

True story. I think Karl Rove is the IRL Onceler from The Lorax... only more overtly evil.

Women wanted eight more minutes of foreplay and seven more minutes of intercourse

The people saying Amy can do better have very clearly never seen PubLIZity (“it’s based on our names”).

A woman named Angela Kipp

Here’s a plug for Sephora’s color match service. I think it’s called Skin ID. You can only get it in store, but basically they hold up a machine to your face and match you to a pantone color, which is then matched to a number of different foundation brands/shades. Prior to having this done, I would always end up with…

I’m pretty upset with how Jezebel readers are being so incredibly dismissive and actually shitty about this.
Nursing is a predominantly female occupation and as such has routinely been dismissed as a less than vocation for exactly that reason. We have to fight to be taken seriously ALL the time. I get shitty comments…

I do enjoy watching Vanderpump on RHOBH (particularly Ken dodder around in his Robert Plant haircut and ball-crushingly tight jeans), but I cannot watch this show because I find everyone detestable.

........phrenology’s even more dubious cousin, neckology.

I have to be honest that I’m getting annoyed with a certain segment of parents who see parenting as the hardest, most noble thing ever. That no person’s life can be completed unless they have children. That motherhood is the highest honor for a woman. If that is what someone wants for themselves, great but understand…

yeah what the fuck is this, ampm?

Icee, unfortunately, not included.

I’m pretty short and I’m not at all turned off by short guys - my last boyfriend was barely 5’5”. But you know what is really unattractive? Short guys who are furious about it and think that they were betrayed by the universe, that they ought to have had some much better life than whatever disappointment they’ve…

I’m that way and I don’t even have kids. I’m gonna be a mess once I do. Just crying all the time.

Oh man, I don’t know if it’s hormones or what but ever since I had my kid stories where a baby is hurt or in danger really cut me to the bone. My first reaction is always, give me that baby, I will protect it!

Christine Ouzounian sounds like the human equivalent of Amazon feedback emails; you buy a three -pack of tube socks and you get sixteen follow ups on them. How was the packaging? How did you like them? how many stars would you give them? Would you write a review of them?

“Love lexicon” is a lot better than my previous favorite, “bangin’ words.”

Really? I would never have guessed looking at this guy that he doesn’t shower regularly.

Your couch is tacky, and I hate you.

Yay, though, right!?