All five have been excellent in their own ways...

Wow they’re letting the Na’vi from Avatar play hoops now? What a time to be alive.

How you wrote this entire Raiders preview without making at least ONE Mad Max: Fury Road joke is beyond me.

I feel like you can’t just tell me that Josh Gad has sex with Q-Bert and not elaborate on it. I think I got CTE from that sentence.

I finally found the one Josh Gad fan in existence! I hate you.

This story was so depressing that you got me to look this up... damn you.

Well that does it: today is certainly the slowest news day in Deadspin history.

Woah take it easy there, Nick Pizzolatto.

Dang, and poor Katie Nolan is stuck with all these blowhards. Hopefully she’ll get a chance to jump over to Sportsnation sometime soon.

I am not a million years old like the rest of you baseball fans, so I only remember Todd Hollandsworth.

I nominate the Tiny Doll Hand tweet for the Deadspin HOF. That’s some quality hot goss right there.

I like how easily you dismissed Di Maria’s contributions in Brazil last year. If he played in the final, they could have pulled off the upset. Don’t forget that Argentina traditionally have loads of strikers but garbage D, yet have a solid foundation for one more World Cup with Zabaleta-Mascherano-Garay/Otamendi-Rojo.…

This is a joke post right?

Don’t know, sounds like he loves to pass IMO.

Why does Ryan Seacrest have more insightful soccer commentary than half the Fox Sports 1 Staff?

Well looks like it worked out now, didn’t it.

The 4-4-2 has been mediocre so far because we don’t have any DMs. Their midfield is legit and would tear us apart up the middle, so I guess we’re going to play conservatively and let our stronger wingers and D win it for us in a 1-0 game.

Wait this entire post was a subtle allusion to her fake boobs right? Because that’s 10000x more interesting than her freaking fake eyelashes (and probably would have delivered 10000x the clickity-clicks too).

Wow, definitely his greatest burn since “The lord must really have it in for that little boy” in BASEketball.

If anyone’s the Cardinals, its Barcelona since their fans always going on about their homegrown stars and how they win the “right” way.