@Santos L Halper: I saw a triangle that had morphed into a trapezoid the other day, and I just about had to call the authorities. Terrible what our world is turning into these days... #wateon

@Lola Lotus: Me either! You would think they would feel...vulnerable with their privacy always being breached and people following them around and shit...but I guess not enough to LOCK THEIR FRONT DOOR. #britneyspears

I...really like this couple. *embarrassed* #katyperry

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit): Oh dear baby jesus up in heaven THANK YOU. #ewanmcgregor

First of all, girl has some GORGEOUS skin. Second of all, I almost shit myself when I read her comment on Helen Mirren. #gaboureysidibe

Did Mariah think casually wiping her cleavage and smelling it would go unnoticed? #tyrafaketoenails

I worked at a tanning salon in high school (ooooh the stories) and knew a couple girls that came in who had acrylics on their toenails, but never as long and gaudy as that. I'm not sure the reasoning behind it, as I was always too weirded out to ask. #tyrafaketoenails

I'd really like to wipe that sexyface off JLO. QUIT IT.

This is fucking ridiculous. The pictures were terrible, and oh, YOU PUT A MODEL IN BLACKFACE. Fail.

@velma: I'm glad it ended up working out, so that you could go through that difficult procedure in privacy. I'm sorry it had to be stressful like that though.

@morninggloria: I watched my cousin get a wart removed! Sick! Down with wart removal! The photos are HORRIFYING! LOOK AT THEM!

I really like Lauren Conrad's dress, I'm just not agreeing with the "I have saggy boob" lookin' trend. Maybe my double d's don't understand? I am committed to SUPPORT in the breast region, at all times.

My great-aunt, who grew up in Palestine and later Amman, thinks the laws oppressing women in Saudi Arabia are ridiculous. She took off her hijab and wrapped her head in a keffiyeh to look like a man so that she could drive a car while she was there. She rolls her eyes every time someone talks about gender-specific…

FABULOUS.

I'm kind of a commitment-phobe, Mr. President, but I think I can sign up for this one.

I'm abroad and didn't get to see this, thanks for the quotes Hortense! Definitely brought tears.

Tracie, this feature is AWESOME. I laugh out loud every time. Thank you for going through and finding these wonderful morsels of batshit crazy.

Ughhh alls I wanna do with my hair is crazy weird shit like this but NO, it has to be SO CURLY AND HUGE that I just look like Scary Spice all the time.

@Gumbina80: Babies are made of this magically durable material, and we never even KNEW it cause we just never dropped 'em from speeding trains right onto the tracks.

@DramaClub: same here