My khakis get two wears during the week, three at the most, then a wash on the weekend.

That layer of fabric between my zipper and my dick is vital.

I live about 5 hours away from my hometown, so I drove down for Thanksgiving and brought my girlfriend and her six-year-old daughter to let them meet my family. Had a great time, everyone thought the daughter was such a cute kid, my parents loved it. Driving back the next day, the daughter is complaining every 30…

I’m intrigued by your comment, but I refuse to google “Sausage Party Movie” on my work computer.

No. I hated that show too. They tried to make up for lack of humor by being over-the-top absurd and it just didn’t work.

I would say splitting with Khloe Kardashian is more of a blessing in disguise. A possible beginning-of-the-end of the Lil’ B curse?

If I had a time machine to go back to any concert, it would be Woodstock ‘69. My second choice would be Andrew WK ‘01. Man, that was such a fun time.