Zack Hample looks like a skinnier, douchier version of Rob Corddry.

He didn’t touch home-plate. Doesn’t count. COME ON BROOKS YOU KNOW BETTER!

I hope not. We could end up in lawyer-limbo. And FUCK THAT.

Given a choice to pick one but lose the other for the next 2 and a half years, what would you rather have: sex or Mary Jane? This discussion came up with my roommates after I told them I went a full 2 years and 6 months without touching the stuff. They all seem fine going without hoo-ha over green but I’m the…

Lawyer-ception.

re I like how NO ONE answered Drew’s question about whether his dog will be fine after eating all that flour. To answer your question, aside from some loose stool the dog should be fine. Keep an eye out for any other crazy symptoms.

You forgot “cheat on wifey with Russian hookers given to him by Trump.”

How ironic that a company that wants you to taste the rainbow wants to sell you Skittles that lack any of the colors of the rainbow.

When I read that Gingrich tweet, I thought Trump had written it, and I thought, “Wait, is he talking about himself in the 3rd person now?! Well, I guess that was bound to happen.”

This whole mess has been really hard to swallow for me personally. Bill Cosby was literally the first comedian I ever listened to, and I still have his “Very Funny Fellow...Right!” album on vinyl. I can see why people might want to come to his defense, because he meant a lot to so many. It’s kind of like the Penn…

I used to live in this craphole apartment complex in Georgia and while taking the trash out one night, a raccoon lunged at me from inside the dumpster. I’m not a racist, except when it comes to raccoons. They cannot be exterminated fast enough.

Ah, well at least I tried.

Yes Yes Yes, kettle, black. Got it. But hear me out.

Um, he was. Twice. Oh, you mean he’ll never be elected AGAIN. Maybe edit your bullshit before spewing it. Or just go home, troll, no one has the patience.

To all my pale skinned brethren out there, follow this simple rule when concerning the N-word, hard R or no:

I’ll ask the question: What’s the point of a video review system if the umpires are still going to pull the whole “it’s how we saw it on the field” explanation and not make the right call anyway? I mean, THERE’S VIDEO EVIDENCE the ball didn’t leave the park. If you trying to convict a man who murdered someone, and…

(large chunk of the hull breaks off)

Apparently you don’t either, fuckface.

OH NO NOT TIMEOUT! Anything but that! God, what kind of monster threatens a TIMEOUT on an internet comment section!? My goodness, sir!

HAHAHA there is is! “Snowflake!” That’s rich. I’m not the one throwing cliche responses to someone talking trash about a professional athlete you’ll probably never meet in your life. Even if you did, you’d probably found out what an asshat he really is.