If they didn’t get him, how far would CNN have gone down the ladder for this Very Special Edition of Both Sides At All Cost?

Would a team made up of the 12 best Cavs and Celtics together have an appreciably better chance of beating the Warriors or a significantly higher rate chance to win the Eastern Conference than the Cavaliers as constituted or previously constituted? Is Crowder a Durant-stopper? Does either featured guard play a lick of…

Christian Hackenburg, 6/10 for 40 yards, 1 INT, and 3 sacks. Hot damn I think the Jets are going for it (0-16), a shame the Lions got there first.

Another decontamination bubble bath? Whatever you say, Captain!

My theory is that weekend duty at the AV Club is a punishment, with the author having to sound gormless and stenographic in covering the thing he/she least wants to.

This takes me back to the earliest print days of the Onion A.V. Club, when they used to have 3-4 articles per issue on Debbie Gibson, and oftentimes several supplemental pamphlets in between regular issues detailing her artistic progression.

And all but one with constituencies off the coast: Midland, Waco, Lufkin, suburban Dallas, Lubbock, Amarillo, rural West Texas. Only Randy Weber has a district on the coast (the area hit by Ike in 2008), but he assumed office after that, and since Republicans have the memory of a gnat and no capability for shame...

Yes, Ike hit you directly (as Alicia hit me directly 25 years before Ike), therefore it was likely to be worse for you.

If this had hit 50 miles further down the coast a town of nearly 350,000 might be underwater, with an incompetent, uninterested dumbfuck and his lightly-staffed agencies manning the federal response. Austin’s getting buffeted by tropical storm-force winds now with 4 inches of rain, could be 15 by early next week.

Thankfully I’ve got a hurricane loitering about 100 miles south of me and the attendant flooding rains to occupy my attention.

I keep hearing things about this magical Nets pick; I assume that it would be non-magical and probably ordinary if the Nets choose whomever and the state of college basketball continues to produce confused 19-year-olds who couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a boat.

“There’s no reason to panic, Danny” “I’m not panicking!” “Is that your normal, non-panicked face? WOW”

It’s like Popeye Doyle said, never trust a Mormon.

He seems to think that if 30% of the country represented by his dead-enders really like him, it double-counts.

I guess it makes sense, he seems to take his sartorial cues from the Heaven’s Gate cult.

My last chance to say it (since I never heard of him before this abomination of an Administration and probably never will again): it’s The Dude, gone corporate.

Just by going down the cast list, they appear to be even more grounded that the first show, with less wacky supervillains (although Jackie Earle Haley is The Terror), and original tick voice Townsend Coleman has a cameo. No inkling who the other superheroes are from the character names. Not even the Human Bullet or…

Counterpoint: 93% of those nicknames would only delight a four-year-old, the other 7% depreciates rapidly, like the band name “The B-Sharps” or Simpsons references.

I’ve gone down a rabbit hole on all the comics on Dooto Records... in producing party albums (all financed by the success of “Earth Angel”) it was easily one of the most profitable businesses imaginable, and kickstarted the idea of comedy LPs (Shelley Berman and Bob Newhart were bigger sellers than Elvis at one…

I remember thinking (as a 7-year-old) “Why the hell is my Mom watching a parade with a box of Kleenex in hand?”