Sure, right when I put Neris on my fantasy team because of his “unhittable” splitter. Man, I shouldn’t have followed that up with going to the track today.

I’ve never shot anybody, and I’m only kind of fat.

They’ll be up all night looking for that little guy who fell in the bushes.

Raging Bull Durham

“Oh, wait... I got one!”

His clean urine sample is on a back nine somewhere in South Florida.

Thank you for bringing that up. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard that dipshit saying that yes, it crossed the plate, but because it ended up wide of the plate it should have been a ball.

That’s exactly what I saw when I watched it live. Yes, it was a deliberate foul. And Lebron embellished to sell it.

I thought that said Alex Wood for a second, and my world had a minor disturbance for a moment.

I remember being terrified of Kevin Brown going into that World Series. Keep in mind, at that point, the Yankees had won only one World Series in the previous 20 years, so we hadn’t yet completed the metamorphosis into total insufferable dickbags. But El Duque, sweep, three-peat, done.

Connor Cook’s dad’s slogan is “Hand Up! Shoot!”

Connor Cook’s dad bought a plane ticket to Brazil so he could fly down there and blow out the olympic torch.

Conor Cook’s dad hangs outside of anorexia clinics to tell girls that their asses are too big.

Like the idiots who use ‘drumpf’.

The very first person to ever strike out, Gerald “Coon” Edwards, in 1856, swung and missed so badly that sportswriters said it looked like he slipped on a banana peel. Since bananas have a lot of potassium, the letter “K” stuck.

Shoulda been you, Sam Khalifa.

Have you ever seen the inside of a Turkish prison? Well... you’re about to.

That was just him being gritty.

The big question: If he was holding a beer as well, does he drop the beer, the ball, or the baby?