Welp, I am an idiot and didn’t realize that he announced his retirement in January.

I suppose it wasn’t for nothing, but Carson Palmer was so fed up with the Bengals that he asked for a trade and when ownership denied it, he basically said he would retire instead. That was in 2010, and he’s still an active NFL starting QB.

[Watches video excitedly]

They could cash Gennett in or hold until some light finally appears at the end of this very long tunnel

he’s a sport, bud

and that’s really more of a procession than a parade.

I am 100% sure you already know this, but I was talking completely out of my ass. It was lazy, mean spirited for no apparent reason, not funny, and completely wrong! I am sober as a fish, so I can’t use that as an excuse either.

That is an amazing graphic. Houston is gargantuan.

Don’t tell her about Ameraucana chickens, they lay blue eggs.

Related: What’s the farthest you can drive on pure memory? Assume there are zero street signs and you just have to go off of where you’ve made it before. You could make it from DC to ______.

I have seen them doing this with prunes. I don’t think you can buy prunes anymore, only dried plums.

This is the correct take. Raisins are fine, but the second you try to hide raisins or trick me into thinking they are chocolate chips, you have committed an unforgivable food atrocity and should have to face trial at Nuremberg, or the Hague or wherever they prosecute such offenses.

Only a Houston resident would talk about how the year is 400+ days long...Houston does not have great pubic schools.

What a charming individual.

+1 nanananananaan nanananana

Exactly! How many sports feature the sportsmanship of a handshake line after a game literally minutes after players getting in fistfights? Hockey is the best.

Jimi knew what was up:

Artist’s rendering of Skyline chili personified as a human baseball player:

this clip really needs yakety sax and cheesy 90's radio soundboard noises.

I don’t have any specific articles referencing him not being able to, but he has been very conservative in the way he has conducted the investigation so far.