Well technically Tibetan Mastiffs and Swedish Valhunds are considered a “primitive breed” in that they are pretty damn close to nature and are even able to survive in it alone.

COME HERE AND LET ME BABYSIT YOU

‪I had an unexpected affair three years ago.

Well, I know it’s going to be easy to criticize this guy and everything he did but, in fairness, I think he did a great job directing Argo.

so that I can seek out potential pussy options

I didn’t like any of this. As someone who has been cheated on multiple times, this made me queasy. I didn't like his answers or candor about it. No I will not "find myself in this situation someday", if I am with someone and want to be with someone else, I'll end my current relationship first cuz I'm not a fuckhead.

Hey, be nice to him. His girlfriend is in a coma.

Have you considered divorce?

YOU’RE A DUMB BITCH

I was a 14 year old band geek dating another band geek. One day I come home to find my mom furious and my big tough dad crying. No joke. Like someone had fucking died.

Well, this happened to my brother, but it’s still fucking good.

SO HERE’S HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN.

Oh god, I might win. I was at a small-town grocery store with my mom and sister and we happened to have the only black employee I can see in the store bagging our groceries. You can see where this is going. So of course he offers to take our bags to the car and she pats my on the shoulder and says “That’s all right, I…

When I was 3 years old, I accidentally murdered my pet goldfish. My mom came into the living room after having one of those “it’s been too quiet for too long” realizations, and found that both I and the goldfish we had procured that morning were missing. She found me a few minutes later, giving the goldfish a tour of…

I had went out to lunch at the mall with my mom, I had to have been in my early 20’s. We stopped in the food court to ear and as usual mom took out her top plate of dentures. She used to say she couldn’t eat with them in, so she would oh so smoothly use a tissue and pop out the teeth.

Because I hate to shop for clothes, and always have, whenever my family went to the mall, I would spend about an hour with my mom buying school clothes and then she would meet up with my dad and pass me off so she could shop for herself in peace. I was always SUPER excited about this, because it meant about 2 hours of…

My dad was a pretty serious LOTR nerd before it was cool, i.e. before the movies came out. He read all the appendices and books by Tolkien’s son annotating his father’s notes and books about the linguistics and collections of artwork about Middle Earth. Two of these artists were particularly considered to be experts,…

do a bco on your mom

But who will elegize MC Pee Pants?

Hey nail-biting guy: