THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR THREATENING RIHANNA (#THEONETRUEKING), CIARA.

Ooh boy I can't wait for the arguments people make trying to defend laundry detergent lady. SOME PEOPLE AREN'T FAMILIAR WITH YOUR HIGH-CLASS FANCY KITCHEN STORES AND SO MISTAKE THEM FOR TRADER JOE'S ALL THE TIME! MAYBE SHE WAS FROM A DIFFERENT CULTURE WHERE COOKING OIL LOOKS LIKE OUR LAUNDRY DETERGENT! IT IS…

I happened to catch an episode of America's Worst Cooks on FoodNetwork yesterday. Talk about shocking ability to function despite severe stupidity (when it comes to food) – one contestant wanted to make chocolate, so she mixed vanilla extract with brown sugar. HOW DOES THAT EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE SENSE?

I used to work at an "Italian" restaurant which I won't name—rhymes with "Shmolive Garden"

"VERY allergic to gluten"

Dumb customer (me) anecdote time.

Absinthe is good for her baby.

awwwww yeahhhh, thanks!

Mr. Strawberry Jones does the same, until I decided to push the king size sheet and king size comforter over to his side of the bed, and then tucked in a twin size sheet and super soft twin size chenille blanket just for me on my side of the bed. Now he can do whatever he wants with his stuff and he doesn't touch my…

This was never a problem before we had the king size bed. I always bought over sized blankets so there was enough to go around. I am thinking about just making some myself so I can pick the dimensions.

I can't make a bed like that. I just can't do it hahaha

Omg, get two quilts! When I have someone sleeping over, I pretend that my queen bed is two twin beds, and each side gets its own quilt. Of course, this only works if you don't use flat sheets, which I don't. Instead of flat sheets, I have lots and lots of duvet covers that I change as if it were a sheet.

One of my former co-workers used to show up at least once a week in the missed connections, only she told everyone else about it rather than other people telling her. Come to think of it, maybe she was the one writing them...

My man does this, as well. He also pulls the covers up to his ears, even if he's sweating. If I attempt to kindly uncover him to give him a little air he will—without ever waking—jerk them back up to cover his ears and sweat under our feather blanket. In the morning he'll complain that he didn't sleep well due to…

God, you're boring.

Oh my GOD here in my part of Texas there was some poor woman who worked a gas station and I guess she was just so ridiculously hot that literally every week 2-3 guys would post Missed Connections ads about her. Meanwhile, she's happily married with a kid, right? But she's CONSTANTLY bombarded with these emails from…

THANK YOU.

Here's the scientific explanation: A lot of extra heat is produced by the scrotum periodically smacking against the thighs; this heat is carried by blood vessels into the man's core in order to keep him warmer while hunting. Women should be warm enough already because of all the babies they have strapped to them.

Follow up question: Why does the man in my bed always take more of his share of the blankets even though he is hotter than me and presumably doesn't need them?

Well I actually am colder. My husband is normally around the 98.6 that you'd expect. My normal body temperature is about 96.4. That said, I'm cool with the house at 68. Mid to high 70s? Wtf?