love the gif I LOVE mad tv haha

I actually went to high school with Northface guy. He's a pretty cool dude. Although hopefully this will prompt him to get a nice suit jacket and not a Northface when he's out bodyguarding.

Bodyguard Beach Body Calendar 2015

Great now there is going to be workplace jealousy between him and Northface guy.

Oh yes... I want him to guard my body. With his penis. All over. Up and down. Rock it 'til waterfalls. Eat my skittles.

Yes. A very paranoid Canuck. My husband's blackberry pocket dialled 911 so many times, I was thinking they would never take a legit call on that phone seriously anyways.

That is a good start but what I would love is for her to shadow me when I'm answering hospital calls for people who are suspected to have been sexually assaulted. Listen as I discuss with them their options. Should they do a kit? Should they report the kit anonymously? What about preventative meds? Plan B? Sit with me…

Whoopi Goldberg ALWAYS takes the man's side in any story where his opponent(s) is female. Always. No exceptions.

I have one because where I live 911 can't find your location via cell phone, but they can with a landline. But I am not American so they didn't call my atheist self.

*takes deep breath, nods*

I do! Card carrying liberal-socialist-feminist-atheist here! Home security alarm has to have a landline hookup. I will represent if I ever get called for a survey!

People who desperately want to skew survey results, apparently.

I am neither shocked nor even moderately surprised by these findings although I agree that their findings might be skewed slightly. Perhaps Catholics maintain landlines?

And how many of them knows the difference between the Virgin Birth and Immaculate Conception?

Except when it comes to other dude's wives.

The Encylopedia Brown remark made me spit my coffee. So, you regularly have dinner with the chief of police, and when he's onto a case he just can't crack, he'll take his notebook out of his breast pocket and let you have a whack at it? "But wait ... you said he wore a BLUE hat when he walked into the room! Case…

See, as I've gotten older I've started to agree with the commenters here a lot more. Back when I started reading Gawker, Jezebel was way too pc for my taste. But now I get it. It's actually made me notice a lot of things and view them differently. It has affected my stances on things in a way that Gawker never did.…

The Christmas Shoes is a bad song. Full stop, no IMO, no debate. It's a terrible song. Every Christmas, there is always that one person who loves this song, and is actually brought to tears by it. I don't understand this person at all. I never will.

YES. She is Princeton-obsessed. Literally thousands of people have matriculated from Princeton since her time there, but she delusionally believes that this Princeton pedigree makes her super-special somehow*—her goddamn apartment is draped in orange pennants and orange football blankets and she sings the university…