This is not the story you want to Monday morning quarterback, please.

It might be my bezerk ADHD, but I’ve never watched an SOTU other than maybe Obama’s first one. I’m happy to just read the main points later. When it comes to Trump, I would rather have dental work than watch him try to dribble out more of his shitbag words. I’m amazed that anyone who isn’t a Trump humper, a journalist…

Didn’t Nancy get the word that there will be free McDonalds?

What does Melanie put into her salads? Joshua tree shoots harvested from the National Park dressed with captive migrant child tears. It's called an I Don't Care salad.

I am on the fence on this one.

He is far to stupid to be a literal spy or to be working directly for Russia. But you better believe that Putin knew that his stupidity would cause us major problems and worked with his campaign to help him win.

Sings, bakes AND fucks? Thats a trifecta right there.

My new ambition in life is to fail so much at my job that they’ll give me $69 million to go away

His client who has a history of raping minors. He married one. He raped another on tape. 

I hate to win pissing contest two weeks in a row, but if “I want to fuck you where you fart” isn’t a winner, then I don’t know what is. 

Also the prestigious scientific website Journal Of You Must Be A Lesbian If You Won’t Go Out With Me.

He has defended his posts by saying they are backed up by scientific research, which is honestly something I’m surprised he believes in.

Perfect response is perfect. 

Confronting her? Why?

What does anyone expect her to actually do that hasn’t already been done ? Sue him ? Murder every enabler before challenging her father to a duel ? This is real life, not Kill Bill.

Seriously, leave her the fuck alone. She isn’t responsible for his actions. She doesn’t owe anyone a damn thing due to the accident of who she was born to. 

She’s right.

I feel like I can remember a time in America when looking stupid, even momentarily, was something to be avoided. You asked questions instead of just talking about shit you knew you didn't know about. I'm 38, any older heads know if I'm right or full of shit? I swear I remember... 

I bet Chelsea Jane smells like kombucha and deodorant crystals.