I thought they just made out in a music video and dated for a month. I’m genuinely surprised to find out they’re still together.

My sister and I were absolutely howling laughing at several parts, because I’m not even kidding when I say Moira is a barely exaggerated version of our aunt. Also the entire pansexual coming out episode was the greatest, because the first thing she said when I came out to her a few years ago was: “That sounds like a…

Discovering I’m way into it when Barack Obama refers to himself as “daddy” is what I did today apparently.

My sister has a gorgeous, sweet daughter, but that kid looked like a damn alien when she was born. She was two months early, so that’s a huge part of it. When a family friend came over to meet the new baby, you could tell he was trying to figure out something nice to say, and my sister shrugged and said, “She’s just…

Living in California is great for that reason. It’s very, very easy to get weed, because everyone grows it. I might look into melatonin, it’s quite literally the only thing I haven’t tried. I have to worry about drug tests while job hunting, so I have to find a completely and totally legal way to sleep.

Sadly, the best fix seems to be a little pot before bed, but that gets pricey even with the pretty low cost of it in my area. I’d like to try melatonin, but I’ve heard you’re not supposed to take that very often.

Idk I’m more into Andre Iguodala I think?

No but by the time I hit hour 36 I could taste them.

I don’t have insurance right now, and I wish I would’ve thought about this when I did. It’s an ongoing issue of the last 20+ years.

Sorry this is what I meant to reply to you with, instead it replied to me (linja u r drunk):

So it’s 12:20 AM the day after, I’m not sleepy, but I feel like if I drink some chamomile (I’m out of weed, this is the only thing I can do to calm my brain right now) I’ll be okay. Maybe. Hopefully. This happens a lot and I have to do a “hard reset” every few months, but it’s gotten harder as I’ve gotten older. When…

Thiiiiis was also a reply meant for someone not me what the fuck kinja

Dooo doooooo doooo this was originally a reply for someone else but kinja fucked up dooooooo doooo ignore this

I’m resetting my sleep schedule because I keep falling asleep at 5 AM, so I’ve been awake for 36 hours and I’m about to have another double espresso shot so I can survive until 9:30 PM. I can hear colors and I keep wandering into walls. Help.

Dolores Huerta, Chris Isaak, an astronaut, and that guy I dated for like a month who was truly excellent in bed.

Let’s not forget KeKe, Lil B’s adopted cat that he featured on a song a few years ago. He’s the best.

Someone write a comedy starring Keira Knightley and Samuel L. Jackson as work bros who commiserate about their bad sex lives and being mistaken for other people. Because that was also great.

GOOD. Because I refused to believe she was a pain in the ass after watching her and Samuel L. Jackson talk about bad sex faces and filming sex scenes on Graham Norton. She was charming and kind of hilarious. I think she’s just lovely.

This makes me want to bathe in Purell. And vomit a little.

Holy. Shit. no. noooooope. My stomach just turned. That poor girl. My parents would’ve made him disappear.