Under no circumstances would I eat a sandwich that had a tail.

You're in -10th place! Congratulations!

My cats eat what I give them, because that's their only option. I figure they'll eat it once they get hungry enough.

I know this has been said, but it bears repeating: that John Oliver takedown of Trump is a thing of beauty.

Why isn't Violet in the picture? Should I be alarmed?

Your nephew sounds like a very intelligent young man. Can you fake his birth certificate and get him on the ballot?

Cold downvoted.

What are these guys, 12?

I just wanna know what the factory is.

Get off my lawn toes!

Know your damn sports nerds!

(Assuming for a moment the nominees will be Trump and Hillary)

That was my thought: they'll finish watching the show, then they'll call, so Jimmy should have been expecting the calls would really start coming in around 4.

Unfortunately, it won't make much difference. With exceptions that are probably too small to be statistically significant, Trump supporters don't watch John Oliver, and John Oliver's viewers aren't Trump supporters.

It's heartening to hear people say stuff like that. Hopefully the people who won't vote for Hillary no matter what are just a small bunch of vocal trolls.

I always examine the candidates before the general election, and I've never had any of the Democrats scare me as much as any of the Republicans. Trump is by far the scariest of any candidate since I've been old enough to vote. He simply has no concept of what it takes to be President, and he has none of the necessary…

I've heard a few Democrats say that if the nominees are Trump and Hillary, they'll vote for a third-party candidate or cast a write-in vote for Bernie. We need to discourage those people and explain how damaging that could be.

I know swatting, and I'm glad I misunderstood you.

They actually sent SWAT? Wow.

GamerGate! That's what it was! I couldn't remember. I just remember people being terrified for you.