In all fairness, maybe the dolphin didn’t do it on porpoise.

burn of the day, highlighted in blue:

And I thought this day was going to be dull.

Every time, these pictures appear in my feed, I fall into the trap of reading the comments:

Or she can do whatever the fuck she wants and say her smart shit, be funny, and show us her nipples too. None of these things are mutually exclusive and her boobs do not diminish her personality and ideas.

You got me. I’m Chrissy Teigan. I’m the only one not bored by my boobs. You’re exactly right. Thanks for opening my eyes. Me and my successful career be damned. How’d I come this far without the insightful internet comments from Blah Blah Blah Blah??? Howwwwwww???

You’re right. She should probably just wear long sleeves at all times.

Her mom’s response is amazing.

All this’ done is encourage every. Single. Person. To bring the largest possible rolly-carry-on they can. I watched an agent try, without luck, to explain to a couple that they cannot take four pieces of carry on each. I watch people try to jam their ridiculous rolly bags into overhead compartments that are clearly…

Raise your hand if your mom was too broke to buy you an actual doll, yet somehow you always ended up with a catalogue.

Hahah. I started asking my Thai takeout guy for two sets of chopsticks so they won't judge my huge order...

I feel like we could be very good friends.

GATEWAY COOKIE

Hell, they don’t even have to home school them, the bill says public school kids. If you can find a private school willing to take your unvaccinated child then by all means, send them there. Or keep them home and teach ‘em vaccines cause autism and Jesus rode dinosuers with Xenu. Frankly I don’t care, as long as they…

its absolutely a for real question

I’m a straight dude, and god dammit, that really is one handsome gorilla.

just had one and my mouth is all dry. MORE stuffing please!

Double-stuffed Oreos, put in a glass of milk and eaten with a spoon. The BEST.