Since I became president of FIFA, we have made FIFA a big commercial company.

Some say he watched Top Gear USA. Religiously.

Some say he invented the TVR Cerbera Speed 12 as a way to kill off the whole of humanity.

Some say he ate Clarkson's steak.

Oh, man. I love chicken wings so much. The only problem is that my knowledge of “hot” seems to be far and beyond what New York considers hot. I want to feel pain and poop fire for the next week. Bring me hot.

People who ask others for advice are often just looking for someone to blame if it goes wrong.

It’s a rare day when an Argentinian football player is the least assholish person in a picture.

Yeah... uh, no.

Hey kid, you want to meet your hero? Turn around and say hi. Then if he tells you to fuck off, sure. Otherwise, don’t take a damn selfie and expect not to get pushed.

Why did he fail her? That’s still the best parking job I’ve seen from an Audi in the past two weeks.

“Urgh, for god’s sake, Peugeot, will you go away? I’ve had enough crap already over emissions, so can you just give me some space”

Stretched, unsafe tires do not belong on public roads.

“It’s...so...beautiful!”

If you don’t like the noise, DON’T BUY A HOUSE NEXT TO A FUCKING RACE TRACK, YOU DROOLING SIMPLETONS.

So, one of your constant, ongoing beefs with MLS is that it’s a league of mediocre talent and over-the-hill stars looking for one last payday (which is true), but as soon as they acquire a truly gifted player in his prime, your answer is... send him back? Jesus, Billy, you’re so far up your own ass with this MLS hate…

• The team jersey must be tucked in at the waist.

Clearly his mistake was not flooring it more. No way that stump can catch up if you’re accelerating to top speed.