This literally translates to “I was planning on meeting with the Martians for secret peace talks, but after realizing it would’ve been weird for them to have flown to the U.S. without detection and with our permission, and that they’re possibly still our enemy and the public and the rest of the world would’ve thought…

+1 pre-mature release

Now he’ll sign with the goddamn Patriots and we all won’t be laughing anymore.

Local KC radio, and my own eavesdropping on water-cooler/break room talk at work here in KC this afternoon (Petro on 810, most specifically), was mostly focused on “Well, if he gets hurt this year how much will it cost against the cap to cut him loose and how much could they save?” Meanwhile, they still have a guy…

Sorry Lonzo, but the question was actually, “how would you sum up your career thus far?”

The jersey number 00.20 has yet to be introduced in the NFL, so what better time than now?

Deion Sanders was drafted by the Royals, too!  Strange shit.

They have cupholders on the upper deck now, too!!

Not mentioned is the fact that Walsh, just like Trump, is a shitty dad and likes his money more than his kids.

Say there’s a history of Deadspin movie getting written right now. Who plays who?  Are there bears?  Who gets the least amount of dialogue?

It’s always filling to wolf one down.

Rex Ryan: “Get Up, huh? Well don’t mind if I do!”

[redacted: another low-hanging Ron Mexico joke]

Baker’s dentist is either very proud of him and the work he’s done, or completely mortified.

RAYSISM, DUH

Ironically that corner with the self-portrait and two mannequins, is also a jerk-off station

What an incredible headline for a fitting career.  I sure hope you guys have had it saved in your “drafts/save for later” for the last couple of years.

I’ve always thought it’d be great and hilarious for a reporter to catch him off guard and ask him which of the Presidents #8-15 (Van Buren, WH Harrison, Tyler, Polk, Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce, Buchanan) were most influential to him. And don’t list the names to him! See if he could be like any 4th grader learning the…

Air it all out!