Ohtani and Trout are stuck in purgatory.

BAMBI by PRINCE

or: Mike Pence secretly turning on the TV late at night and putting it on mute.

Cheers to the Crew SC fans in Columbus that will give Anthony Precourt the same treatment in four months.

First thought: This kid likely has some interesting things on their Twitter page from years ago that will be on the SportsCenter Top 10 tomorrow night.

It’s a missed opportunity if they don’t play this over their stadium PA for every ejection

Or as the Trump family calls it, A “preying man kiss”

Milton Bradley?

I can’t wait to hear Trump’s thoughts on this tie via Twitter at 4:06am

YEAH THANKS A LOT, BORIS JOHNSON

THE STYLE COUNCIL - “LONG HOT SUMMER”

Here to forever support you guys. I’ve read The Onion/AV Club for probably 15 years, and have been a Deadspin commenter/shithead for probably 7.

Gotta be better at Putin the ball the in back of the net

Exactly! Listening to KC sports radio around here (Go Royals!—this season, ugh), and a certain bunch of hosts just the other day made me want to burn my radio to bits. Saying literally to the effect, “well, it’s a six year old girl vs. a teenager’s account—who are you going to believe, am I right!?!” It was absolutely…

Everything is dumb in this alternate universe.

I was looking forward to Bear Friday and Oddibe McDowell’s Water Bills, myself.

whoops!

The new ceremony will take place in Owens’ driveway.

“Now put that in your fuckin’ pipe and smoke it”

A good “What if?” scenario I like to ponder over (occasionally, when I want to drive myself insane) is if Donald Trump actually bought a share* of the Buffalo Bills years ago, instead of running for President.