Tell me you didn't give up on the series because of the supernatural elements (my least favorite parts). If that's the case, please try Uncharted 3. Mysticism is almost completely absent in the game, in its place is a lot of beauty and introspection.

Oh man, if you think Naughty Dog's writers are bad you should never, ever go near a network sitcom. You'll have ten strokes.

I'd find it troublingly hilarious if he used to love Pac-Man, but gave up on the medium because he can't relate to the core mechanic anymore. #mandiblecancerjokes #goingtohell

Oh goddamnit, he hasn't played a game in twenty years and someone recommends Dark Souls? That's like not eating meat for twenty years and then someone recommends eating your way out of a live elephant. Couldn't have sold him on something more cinematic like Uncharted 3 (where his critiques might actually be worth a…

I'm not sure I understand chimp conservation. Their sequel's already out. What're they going to do, evolve into something cooler than us? I'm half-terrified they're going to scalp me and I'll wind up a cautionary tale on Oprah, or worse, I'll wind up in an ape-run future next to a half-buried Statue of Liberty.

They are getting their fucking money's worth outta that Street Fighter IV engine / aesthetic. I'm ready for characters that are lovingly hand-drawn and don't look like they just broke out of a Muscle Milk factory.

A little bothered by the fact that it takes Day One DLC to get a new, non-human character into my Normandy crew. It's like Bioware was like, "Oh, you want interesting crew members who aren't boring xenophobes? Fuck you, pay for them."

Am I super hopeful that this turns out to be real? Yes. Is that mostly because of my undying adoration for Valve? Of course. I don't know how it'll handle, but from what I'm imagining, it feels perfect. Why hasn't someone thought up a trackball yet?

I'm more interested in the contents of deinonychus' gut.

...Dye? ...Wig? ...Asking any other brunette to do it?

I missed Abyss the first time around, but I liked Symphonia and the (GBA remake whose name I can't recall), and I loved Vesperia. I'm playing Abyss 3D now - ~45 hours in, kept me busy during some travel the past weeks. It's got better characters than any other game in the series (if you exclude Luke and Mieu). It's…

For all the time they spent editing that, they couldn't even find a brunette?

My day-one, must-buy games of September - November: Bioshock Infinite, Assassin's Creed 3, Borderlands 2, The Last of Us. Assassin's Creed franchise fatigue be damned!

I think you might've missed where he wrote "crappy controller," which I second.

Ambushing from trees?! Winding up in Paris and London?! Thanks a lot, this game officially cannot live up to my expectations.

It's a shame this Assassin can be defeated by a Templar discarding litter (turns to camera, sheds tear).

Hahahahahahahahahah

I've had my share of Catacomb Snatch over the years. It's never pretty.

Carbonated Duty: Modern Thirstfare. Cola Duty: Black Pop.

Will someone let me know if there's a play limit on the demo?