The tableside guacamole thing drives me insane. It’s a three ingredient dish! It requires zero technical skill to make! The only part that’s even remotely difficult is picking out perfectly ripe avocados, and that’s the one part that is NOT done at the table. And the task always seems to fall to some poor busser who…

The best I can say about this album is that its two worst moments are also the only two moments when Push isn’t rapping. Rick Ross’ verse is super mediocre, which isn’t the end of the world, but then Kanye comes on rapping about MAGA hats on the second-to-last song, and suddenly I’m snapped out of it, thinking, “oh…

Mary Shelley lost her virginity on her own mother’s grave. She lived in a fairly public menage-a-trois situation with her husband and her stepsister. She wrote more or less the first modern science-fiction novel when she was a teenager, and later wrote arguably the first modern post-apocalyptic horror novel. She was a…

I look at it like this: In theory, everything about shellfish is pretty fucking disgusting. They’re basically just the bottom-feeding, freakish-looking, cannibalistic cockroaches and scorpions of the sea, and the way we eat them is probably the most primitive, grotesque behavior that we can get away with in polite…

I vaguely remember a sort of moral panic about nunchucks — maybe the issue was that they’re actually much more dangerous than they appear to be in cartoon form? Still not sure they’re more dangerous than a 24-inch blade...

Like most little kids in the early ‘90s, my younger brother and I went through an intense period of Ninja Turtles fandom. For two years or more, that was all we wanted – every birthday, every Christmas, every two-months’ worth of allowance money, all went toward new Turtles figures. By the end of it, we’d…

Being Clybe Stubblefield must have been so strange. Imagine something that you come up with off-the-cuff during a totally average day at the office becomes a deathless staple of your industry for decades to come, and you have absolutely no ownership of it.

I live in LA. I know several people who are working actors, all of whom are more or less as normal as my other friends. I know people who moved out here to become actors, failed, but stayed in the city and did other things with their lives. I even know a couple people who were once child actors, who have since moved…

I had somehow completely avoided any exposure to this movie or the soundtrack for years and years – it just really didn’t seem like my kind of thing – until finally my wife dragged me kicking and screaming to see the Darren Criss revival last year. Holy shit, it was fucking spectacular. Easily the most purely…

God bless you for writing this.

Award shows, and the vast ecosystem that surrounds them, are profoundly insipid. We’ve stopped finding it strange that we spend three or four months out of every year honoring the same couple actors for a single role over and over again, with dozens of damn near identical ceremonies, each dragged out to punishing…

It’s almost embarrassing how much better Molly Ringwald threads the needle here than so many film critics who write about these things professionally. Her main takeaways seem obvious, but they so often go missing in this sort of discussion: That you can reevaluate art that you used to love in light of evolving…

Still remember the first time we ever headlined a club. We were ecstatic. Headliners! Top of the marquee! On a Friday night! And there was actually a crowd. We were moving up.

I only made it this far: “Honestly, is anyone excited to hear a goddamn Ramones non-single? No one is.”

File this under “ideas that inexplicably seemed hilarious when we were 15 and very high”: Was with a group of friends, stoned and bored, and decided to each walk into Starbucks, staggered as though we weren’t together, and all order the same drink, each giving our name as “Andy.” We spent a needless amount of time…

Haddish is at that perfect sweet spot of internet celebrity right now where every crazy thing she does makes culture writer-types love her more, so she gets even crazier, and the crazier she gets the more unconditional the love gets. It couldn’t be more obvious that she’s like a couple months from finally doing or…

That also had the advantage of coming relatively early in Trump’s presidency, before it was 100% clear that his tweets as POTUS could be safely ignored. I remember serious newspeople were actually concerned that he might’ve had a stroke mid-tweet. Crazier people were trying to figure out if it was some “start the…

“New column idea: US politics these days is kinda like Game of Thrones (Harry Potter?)”

Oh, I largely agree. Her worst crimes were having a poor grasp of tone, and not realizing how far beyond her own personal circle a tweet could travel. But that tweet was sort of the test case where we learned how easily tweeting one ill-advised thing could instantly make you famous and despised by thousands and…

Oh man, I forgot all about that one. A classic.