Okay, how about Mars? He would definitely like for his presidency to be associated with a Mars mission.  He could also take his 3 grifter children along so that they could spend the holidays together. I bet we could put a rocket together pretty quickly.  As long as they have enough fuel & supplies to get them far…

They should throw it in a blender along with some Big Macs & Diet Cokes send it along with Trump on NASA’s first manned mission to the sun. No one will have ever seen anything like that before. Truly a way for our favorite President to earn his place in the history books. I think that the technology is ready to go…

Why would any parent (yes, I’m looking at you, cousin Liza) ever name their child Tucker? Hasn’t it occurred to them that their child will be referred to disparagingly as “Fucker” for at least the first 2 decades of their lives?

I’m okay with it being used to enrich the soil as long as it’s first thoroughly diluted with manure and, even then, only used at former EPA superfund clean-up sites.

I’ll never defend any government agency as being perfect, but my late cousin was an agent dedicated to tracking the finances of terror groups & I can assure you that the FBI is a “real” & legitimate law enforcement agency and yeah, there’s no way that they’re getting involved in stupid political showmanship shit like…

ALSO - who’s doing their actual jobs right now? These are not members of the military who can be deployed at will. Supposedly these individuals have full time jobs which are deemed necessary by the U.S. government and I’m 99% sure that the various branches of U.S. law enforcement don’t keep hundreds of extra Statue…

Ohio has been responsible for much of the greatest underground rock music in the U.S. since the 1970's, so at least you've got that.  I also hear that you've got good wings (& beer) there. 

It’s pretty unlikely, but they kinda could come get you. You might be very surprised by the amount of leeway that Canada provides to U.S. law enforcement. I have a former brother-in-law who’s an IRS agent (they carry guns! Can you even imagine if the CRA carried guns?). His team frequently crossed the border (with…

I think we should start trolling the appropriate agencies by calling them the "Statue Police" whenever possible.  

You’ve jogged my memory a bit and I do seem to recall that it came across as for “people who wanted to get married, now”, which could also be another reason as to why my free weekend yielded no results because I definitely had zero interest in being married (until, that is, I met my wife) as a result of having…

You are 100% correct in that no sandwich is good if the bread is bad. I traveled in/with bands for many years and even though I can’t remember the exact locations, I can definitely remember some of the horrible sandwich experiences that we had. Somewhere in Massachusetts we once had “submarine sandwiches” which were…

Since you're the one telling the story, I'm 100% positive that you're the one that's right. However, if this exact same conversation happened in my house, I would be convinced that it was just another example of my wife being mean to me. My wife has a million issues. I love her far too much, but she's very mean &…

Since you specified “unusual” celebrity crush, I’m going to have to go with Lizzo. She’s definitely forced me to reconsider some of the “standards” of physical beauty that were imposed on me in my youth. 

Is eharmony religiously oriented? It's been years since I paid much attention to any of this, but I thought that eharmony was pitched as the one that was super serious about finding the perfect match for you by having you answer a million different questions.  I think that I finally gave in and took advantage of a…

Just make sure that you don't have any physical contact with them for at least the next 30 days. 

I’ve always wondered which stretch of which ocean you’re at whenever you’ve posted photos at the beach. I never would have guessed that it’s the Jersey Shore! I grew up in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, so I automatically vote for tubing the Delaware. Fortunately, you can get a “pretty good” cheesesteak almost anywhere…

Professor Griff knows: "Yo, I ain't milquetoast."

Nope. He needs her to remain on the bench as an incentive for republicans to vote him into a second term. If he's able to replace her now then there's even less reason for some people to vote for him in November.  

Really? When I watch her on the game show all I can see is how much she enjoys being mean to people and/or hurting them. 

Slightly unrelated, but #dogs4biden is a fun way to kill some time on Twitter.  There's also some good cats there. I'm unsure as to whether #cats4biden has started trending yet.