Aw, Sweet Clam. I wonder what became of her.

…I don't get it.

Then there's the antipodean phenomenon of a Face-yclone.

The clitoris is the key to the vagina. The Romans knew it. The Carthaginians knew it. Now you know it.

There's a street corner in Phoenix [spontaneously combusts in the 120-degree heat]

"Ve vill never schplit Deutschland into two again." [wipes patriotic tear from eye]

There was a student at my college who wrote a lengthy opinion piece in the school paper about how everyone was wrong about Romeo and Juliette being a romantic story, and that it was really a tragedy that ends in double suicide. I read to the end expecting a Gilda Radner "never mind" punchline, but that never came. It…

There is actually all kinds of speech that can constitutionally be suppressed by the government, and I think Jones, Trump, and their white-supremacist brethren tiptoe right up to that line all the time, and inevitably cross over it sometimes.

This is one thing I like about living in the upper Midwest. It gets into the 90s and even to 100 degrees here, but at least people complain about it. That tells me they at least have their heads on right.

There's another conspiracy theory scumbag in wish networks would stop giving airtime: Donald Trump.

Apparently Siegel and Schuster, Clevelanders that they were, based Metropolis on Chicago — particularly the vision of it offered up by the 1933 World's Fair.

Are we sure he plagiarized something, and wasn't just reading a transcription if his 116th Dream?

Then a good writer wouldn't use it as a representative example of the fraud he or she is alleging.

I was a TA, too, and I saw this shit all the time. In my first semester, I was told, "they all do it. All of them. We can't flunk the entire class."

"Judas! Again."

There should be more baseball in general in American life. Hispanic immigration is going to save America by reinvigorating interest in baseball. I'll even take an increase of soccer in American life in the trade.

This is probably the best answer.

Ketchup is fine for children. Chronological adults who eat ketchup are still children at some level of development. It's like drinking soda for your morning caffeine — drink coffee or tea like a goddamn adult!

Yeah, Wisconsinites don't like spicey stuff. Mexican restaurants automatically bring a bowl of plain tomato sauce to go with your chips (though you can always ask for a spicy salsa).

My favorite for the unadventurous Wisconsin sausage chompers at my local grocery store was the "Italian brats," which were just Italian sausages named brats to be less threatening. I immediately thought of "flavor sauce" and laughed out loud in the meat dept.