Also, how the fuck is Alyssa not the #1 Milano in the ranking? The fuck kinda bullshit is this?

Someone should huck a Wawa sub at Goodell’s head tonight, then retrieve it and eat it anyway.

You think that’s good? What about the guy who already cleaned out all of the stripes and the 8 ball?

Am I supposed to read this as “Ronaldo is guilty of rape”? I see no evidence for that anywhere. Celebrities pay off people for PR (and other) reasons all the time. It isn’t an admission of guilt just because the allegation is serious in this case. We still have no idea what, if anything, happened.

Of course he won! The butler keeps putting the ball back on the table in the same exact fuckin’ spot!

Folks, this is what happens when you demand Deadspin stick to sports.

I have to give it to Krupin. Writing that speech must have been a real character building experience. In fact, I would say the Caps have the most character in the NHL, assuming that playoff losses are character building.

Now, after a stint as a life coach

I don’t know what the ‘in’ bball sneakers are these days, but I feel like Steph’s brand lost some of its cool factor after UA rolled out those all-white Life Alerts last year.

If you’re gonna comment on a joke, make sure you realize it’s a joke.

One of the problems ESPN’s Darren Rovell points out

If some guy pulled that on me in a Penn State bathroom, I can guarantee you I would rhythmically slap the shit out of him.

nhl.com will have a full five minute highlight package for each game. no debating.

Outraged fans and alumni were quick to condemn Skoff’s actions as the most horrific and disgraceful thing that a member of the PSU athletic community has ever been involved with.

This is a travesty.

That interior looks like something out of Boogie Nights.

We tried giving Greenberg milquetoast, and he claimed it was too spicy and burned his tongue, we’re just going with the hyperbaric chamber and intravenous protein slurry from here on out. It gives him just enough strength to utter “Subway: Where Winners Eat” 29 times per hour.

I THOUGHT THE ISSUE WAS SHE COULDN’T MAKE HER CONNECTIONS?