Thankfully, my wife has no problem with asocial, parasite-riddled predators who shit in her home. Happy anniversary, babe!

As disappointed parent-speak goes, “why can’t you be more like Houston?” is good stuff. The Houston Aspergers are now baseball’s model franchise.

HURR I’m the Sun...

There should be an entire sports league that follows Kingsford’s lead and designs all mascots around common junior high yearbook facial expressions.

Not sure what the problem was. Seems like it would have been a real hoot.

It is fascinating, from a generational perspective, how we are essentially transitioning from invading someone’s privacy being creepy to someone wanting privacy being creepy.

I am not getting into the morality play here, but I'm pretty sure Iverson is HoF worthy and will be elected before 2020.

Well, this is a relief. I thought if I wanted to see Squatting Journeyman, I’d have to buy a ticket to the new Adam Sandler movie.

They need the Little League World Series graphics here.

“A Marlin isn’t a flounder.”

Is this The Stomach Punch or The Guillotine?

Orange County combines the arrogance of New York with the proud reactionary ignorance of Texas. It’s a wonderful place to write as a red-haired, grammar-challenged scold.

As someone who was born and raised in suburban New Haven county, you are incorrect, sir. There’s a 96-98% chance.

When Lou Pearlman gets out of jail and back to boybanding it up, I pray Sully, Knucklefuckle and Phart are the names of his new act, NKOTB 2.0.

It’s been, what, seven years? And still, yet another new Brett Favre dick pic surfaces.

*searching for proper stenographer tie-in*...

The Michael Sam Courage trophy is going to blow this thing.

Can't beat that.