What if today was someone's first time visiting Deadspin?

No mention of Elijah Wood on the pitch.

Sounds like somebody needs a hug.

@applejuice: "Harry Potter kind of situation."

Looks like we're on a kneed to know basis right now.

Why is that mountain so small?

Seinfeld said it best: You're rooting for laundry.

No Kate Hudson? There is just something about that woman.

@DirkToberFest: Omar creepin'...out of baseball.

I'm glad the Mets picked up Francoeur. It's a nice feeling knowing you have a former Gold Glover patrolling right field.

@NotMyFirstRo-Day-O: Zing! Wouldn't wanna be that asshole right now!

@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: I love Deadspin/Fleshbot cross posts.

@UkraineNotWeak: But if ESPN wasn't there to cover it, did it really happen?

The only solace in this story is that you didn't use that god-forsaken picture of 'I can't believe that just happened' Mets guy. He's turning into the real Mr. Met.

The royalty free music bed laid under that piece makes me really believe he cares about blowing that watermelon to shit.

Tommy, I hope you were inspired to put up that Big Star video because I played it in the office today. Big Star 4 evahhh.

I gotta say, I bought some clam-diggers from Uniqlo the other day that can roll up to become regular shorts, and I think they're just the tops.

@Kid Canada: Pshh. Totally fake.

Is there a picture of Jay that exists where he doesn't look like a mouth-breather?

I'll never be able to watch anything with Judd Nelson in it the same way again.