what type of animal are you? And how to I get to become one?!

Jesus motherfucking tap dancing Christ on a goddamned cracker. There are no goddamned words except motherfucking curses. Shit.

I would have stuck my fingers in my vagina and painted fuck you with period blood on the wall, but I'm an animal.

For god's sake! It's only 9:00 on FRIDAY & we already have like 10 totally fucked up,unjust, cruel, or downright rapey articles. I'm exhausted & it's only just begun I'm sure. Prove me wrong America! Prove. Me. Wrong!

I can't wait for Michael Lohan's latest epic meltdown when his sweet little paycheck daughter gets sent to jail.

Lohan puts the Quit in mosquito. (sorry, i'll show myself out now.)

This might be the one good thing mosquitoes have done for humankind.

i don't think the kind of expletives i want to use on him even exist

Fish are not meant to be hairy. Anchovies are a monstrosity.

No lie: if I don't get pizza at least once a week i get agitated. I've formed this habit over a LIFETIME of Friday night pizza night.

Ok I was seriously looking at this the whole time I was writing it and didn't realize it at all.

I know ediorial staff has nothing to do with ad placement/products but I find this hilarious

I, for one, can't WAIT to see this shit performed in drag clubs.

I literally made it about 18 seconds in and couldn't take it anymore.