Screw the cops—you need Anonymous! They'd shut him/her down asap

I just...who has this much time on their hands?

" That page reads 'If God hadn't wanted us to masturbate, then God wouldn't have given us thumbs."

I've seen earthworms on my driveway, baking in the sun, who had a better grasp of religion and international politics than Sarah Palin does.

The 1990s...

Justin Beiber Concert.

my first word was fuck. and that's what i do. ALLLLLLL NIIIIIIIIGHT. god i need to stop shooting fireball.

Average modern Fourth Grader:

Guess he's not #teamwaffle!

If I feign indignation, clutch my pearls, and declare loudly enough for everyone to hear that your parents must be horrified, will that satisfy your sense of sticking it to the squares enough for you to get the eggs out of your snatch?

Deployment of Liz Lemon gif perfectly suited for the situation? [insert all applause gifs here.]

You know it's Europe when 98% of the people aren't even looking at the naked lady on a platform giving birth to paint eggs.

Who woulda thought that access to more nutritious food, regular medical care, stress management, meaningful leisure time, better infrastructure, and other forms of physical and emotional support would lead to positive outcomes for lifespan?

Yes, they are cousins of the Sneetches.

Oh jeez, remember in history class, where we studied those craaaazy Han Chinese and their nutso foot binding practices? I remember thinking, "why would anyone put themselves through something like that? That's just stupid!"

Around the bend and through the creek, we wore through several boots on our pairs of feet, when suddenly I turned upon hearing a hoot, "At last, at last, the majestic sloot!"