My towels are Chaps, from Kohls, and in addition to being amazing, they only cost like $6 each when you catch a sale + 30% off peelie.

Gone Girl. Not that that helps.

So I went on an amazing first date the other night. Like, just...I don’t know, we just got along really well and it was obvious we wanted to jump each other pretty early on. I’m always very wary of anyone who professes to be attracted to me etc. (*shrug*) but all the vibes I got were that he was genuine in his…

I balanced that out by including the bit about being a feminist. I swear I saw a nosedive in messages after that!

Oh I could have guys lined up around the block...if I had no standards. What men don’t seem to realize is that *they could too* if they weren’t going after girls who are 8s while being 3s themselves.

For some reason whenever I hear the word ‘spastic’ my first thought is ‘spastic colon’.

My favorite is the guys who think the fact that you’re interested in casual sex means you’ll automatically sleep with anyone who expresses interest.

A-motherfucking-MEN

Absolutely! I don’t think schools around here ever start before it.

You’re my hero.

I got shit like that even in 1995.

My entire school career was basically one big humiliation. Or one after another after another.

C.D. Nope, doesn’t sound like the same person.

Thank you, that’s legitimately the best laugh I’ve had all week.

Look at the 5s. It doesn’t get much worse than that.

Look on the bright side: you’re toilet trained!

First they came for the county clerks...

I feel bad for her if she’s dealing with this stuff, and it’s pretty obvious that her opinions have been informed by her own trauma and how she subsequently dealt with it, but as soon as she opened her mouth and stated these things as though they’re universal rather than just applying to her, in her own mind, she…

Oh my god, did she seriously just invoke the Syrian refugee crisis?

Whoa those are some serious forehead wrinkles.