THIS POST IS FOR SARANFANS ONLY!!!!!

Whenever this building comes up, I’m always surprised that no one mentions the Brady Bunch episode when Architect Mike Brady has to design a factory/headquarters building for A LADY. That’s right, that’s what I said. A gal.

I heard something from Aimee Mann that I really liked, along the lines of “people are entitled to dislike you, and their reason why is none of your business.” Maybe a person is shallow and only talks to models; maybe you have an uncanny resemblance to someone who bullied him/her as a kid. As long as someone isn’t…

This poem is always worth posting; “Rape Joke” by Patricia Lockwood.

Before you were born an ugly, warted old woman sat by the side of the road and asked for help changing a tire. Your parents stopped and changed it for the old woman, kindly. Then, before their very eyes-the old woman began to transform into the most beautiful fairy princess they had ever seen!

Seriously, I need this too. Also “Which One of Y’all Left The Light On?” and “Leave Him/Her Alone” and “Please Go Outside and Play.” (I have 3 kids. Summer is long.)

When I was job hunting a bit less than a decade ago, the “common wisdom” among my fellow interviewee ladies was also that you shouldn’t wear an engagement (or wedding) ring—but back then the reasoning was not that potential employers would assume you were high maintenance. Rather, the rumored thinking was that an…

The Hamiltones need to provide the soundtrack to my life. I want there to be an album sold on tv with tracks scrolling up like Damn, Where My Keys? and some white dude saying, “But wait! There’s more!” and then that classic hit, You Hungry? I Could Eat would be the next one. 10 dollars plus shipping and handling. I…

Isn’t there a video where a baby stops crying when he holds her? and then he gives the smuggest smile to Michelle Obama

If men got pregnant abortions would be available via drive-thru.

Almost certainly, no one over 35 needs to have a registry. Unless both parties have been living with their respective parents for all that time, in which case they should also register for some life coaching.

I was going to say Hemingway. She would have sounded exactly like him if she'd talked more about drinks and ended up fucking Miguela.

"Fishsticks" just got back from his fancy-schmanzy European trip selling monogrammed thermoses, confused to find that fish have bones and such.

Seriously. The world has been fucked up for as long as there have been aggregated communities. Famine, genocide, environmental decimation and governmental atrocities are nothing new. If you don't want kids, then don't have them. No need for the diatribe defending yourself by pointing to all the things that make the…

Yeah, I feel that way, but I did it anyway. And you know what? It's extra-tough to explain why the world is so goddamn shitty to a very smart 9-year-old. I'm afraid she's already a misanthrope, but at least I feel like I'm giving her the tools to improve things. She says she doesn't want to live where we live anymore…

This is precisely what my grandmother said to me: it's never perfect and if you wait for it to be, you'll find yourself missing out on a hell of a lot of good.

Uh what? This is so dramatic. If the world is too fucked up to bring a kid into then the world is too fucked up to have joy. If you experience consistent joy in your life, regardless of atrocities around the globe, life is good and a child would grow up to experience that same joy. You were a child once – brought into…

I hope Yoko Ono isn't my Secret Santa this year.