NO COLLUSION!!!

+2 head gaskets.

Nah. Sizes are Donkey Balls, Hung Like a Horse, and Guy Fieri Loaf.

Tar and ostrich feathers perhaps?

Lasagna = Lazy for short.

“KMart Nic Cage” is really really good. It's funny because it's true!

Yeah, no doubt. She gets to sleep in an extra 15 minutes and cook her breakfast while she's pooping. She's got it all figured out.

The newly hired phys ed teacher at Mineola High who’s pushing way too hard to coach girls gymnastics.

For that price it better come with a parts car because that’s the only chance you have to keep this thing running. And no AC? And a check engine light? And another light?

That’s what I’m struggling with as well. It’s kind of scary how sincerely I believe that each and every Trump supporter should be shot from a very large cannon into the heart of the sun. I really don’t know what to make of that, but it sure seems like it'd fix an awful lot of the problems we face. 

Stubbed my toe on the same damn sofa leg for the millionth time today, can confirm.

“near a person whose profession causes a largely porn-consuming public to pretend to be scandalized, for the benefit of spouses to whom they lie about their masturbation habits.”

I get more of a ‘parasitic nightmare creature of the deep’ vibe from them.

Is Cool Dad Of The Day a thing?

Now that you mention it, there definitely was some Zaphod in Sergio wasn’t there?

+1 happy ending.

Hey man, look at the positive side of things. Someone got paid good money to write this:

True story! Remember when Obama got a bit of heat for saying “you didn’t build that,” (lol, compared to being an obviously bought and paid for Russian plant, but I digress). So anyway some local redneck by me with a dump truck and lawn care business took it upon himself to go to Home Depot or wherever and buy himself…

It's an okay riot. Too much chair carrying and not enough chair throwing TBH. I give it 6/10 Artests.

I know her tangentially. Their family has a, um, horse farm? estate? country getaway? whatever a few miles down the road from me. The kids are not alright, and they’re example number one thousand of why there should be a 99% inheritance tax. Funnily enough their place is across the street from Howie Long’s family and…