Not all Jezebel commenters.

Not all burner accounts.

Eh, I've lived in Chicago for 20 years and never liked deep dish pizza.

Inferiority complexes are a bitch.

To be fair, they have more time on their hands since they don't spend any of it eating incredibly delicious pizza.

I'd guess that the median Deadspin commenter is a 34-year-old white male with middle-to-high income but also above-average alcohol consumption. So we're taking about a remaining live expectancy of 47 years, give or take. My best guess is that you'll die in 2060, perhaps just a few days before Sasha Obama wins her…

When will I die?

Not on your floor, Roston. Sorry.

That is true! Unless you're at a fancy New York publication, you're not going to encounter any fresh fruit trays in a newsroom. More like "Costco danishes and poison coffee."

That gave me nightmares as a kid... especially the clamping metal jaws in the.. in the....

Ice Pirates is pretty awesome.

It can't be _Ice Pirates_. Saw it at the drive-in and that's the first time I got to third base.

That's supposed to be one of the worst? It looks like one of the best! Need to find a copy ASAP.

This movie is so full of great little moments:

Ice-Pirates is hilarious!

Never even heard of this movie, the defensiveness it's brought about has me very curious.

"Ice Pirates" wasn't meant to be taken seriously. If so, I know I laughed through most of it. Total rip off of the concept of "Space Opera."

I was going to pick ice pirates.

Come on! It's not THAT bad.