It’s actually surprisingly easy to spend that if you’re stupid about it. And not like “filling your gold lined swimming pool with bottled water” stupid either. Just run of the mill investing in businesses without doing your research or taking out loans without checking the interest rate stupid. Thinking the money…

we do tend to eat shrimp like groceries.

“Dad? Hey, Dad? How you doing? Just, you know. I’m fine. Yeah. Yeah. It’s just you’re big on the Internet now. Well, not the whole thing. The snarky, obnoxious corner of it. No, not that. No. No, not reddit. Smaller, but a good group of guys. They like you a lot now. They put down their dick jokes for 5 minutes to say…

Man, when MC Hammer is lamenting your spending habits...

Look at this discount Jim Cantore telling all you Niner fans to sack up and sit in your sauna that he’s never been to nor understands the architectural problems of the place or how the fucking Sun operates.

Who would’ve guessed 296 vs. the Chargers would also be his credit score

I hope he beats this 

Boris Johnson’s favorite part about EuroLeague basketball is watching Europeans get punished for traveling

Lost Boys was Santa Cruz you degenerate scum!

You’re the Ogdenville and North Haverbrook of the USA, congrats!

I‘ve been to a Cardinals game back when they played at Sun Devil Stadium, Satan was there taking notes on how to make hell hotter and solidifying his stance that the Cardinals would be the only team people could watch in the pits of eternal despair

+ one pickelhaube

You’re confusing Santa Clara with Berlin.  

I was tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt because I once got a blowjob in the parking lot of the Rooster T Feathers comedy club, but then I realized Rooster T Feathers is in Sunnyvale, not Santa Clara.

The 49ers are not a San Francisco team anymore. Santa Clara is a town far away from San Francisco that has its own merits, but the 49ers are just another guy on the peninsula who says when asked that they live in SF, then when pressed as to which neighborhood, admit Santa Clara. Santa Clara is not San Francisco.

I stongly suspect that most of these sandwich are pork loin - not pork tenderloin. 

“You have to get more into my body.”

“In the building” is also a pretty solid summary of my average day at work.

I think that stuff just lives on for forever (I’ve seen it in the teenage boys in my neighborhood). In a million years teenagers will be half robot and still punching each other in their robodicks.