Congress is filled with “thirsty and dumb.” They’re not just surviving, people are voting for them.

Stopping is for pussies

A very expensive prank would be to invite all your friends down there for the sole purpose of letting one rip.

The crossover episode where Markie Post marries Grant Shaud from Murphy Brown

“It’s not mandatory for you to move to LA, it’s just that your job is moving there...so if you could let me know, that’d be great.”

Wait. They’re serious? This is an actual car for sale?

You sound like me at the bakery with $5 croissants.

Such a missed opportunity:

Every girl using Instagram filters...

I’m no track guy but jeez that looks like fun.

Failing bigly.

I’m guessing the CEO of this company is 11?

“Hanging from the pullup bar was a dead man’s body. I turned around and Carol’s bright red lipstick was now smeared all over her face. “I got a divorce this week,so have to get rid of a few things...”

Either that guy owns a Pelaton or...

There’s something on your face.

“hilariously-monikered Italian restaurant Giorgio Baldi”

After working on this I guess his sense of scale and budget got skewed.

Color coordinated tires, where have you been all my life? ❤️❤️❤️

Plus it’s ugly.