I suppose you want 69 stars for that joke.

Hard to park + questionable starts + no heat = Chicago!

Paper money, Credit card, NFC chip, small change — this cancer machine knows no bounds!

Yes, I love all the “research” anti-vaxxers talk about doing, not mentioning that their last big project was a rigorous scanning of  an Arby’s menu.

Luckily that level of distraction never caught on and people focus on driving now!

Regret thy name is Sapporo.

Chef’s kiss for the turbine wheels.

At least they continued their tradition of “Let’s never get the proportions right.”

That first paragraph reads like a rejected Penthouse Forum letter.

For $13K at least buy me a couple hubcaps, pal. Not that hard.

Because designers get bored and want to reinvent (disrupt?) things, even the things that were so perfectly fine you never thought about them. “Let’s MAKE them think about them,” they propose, hoping to be hailed as the person who reinvented the can opener, so to speak.

That new maid is an absolute nightmare.

Oof. That steering wheel. Way too Accord.

“Olivia Munn is on the wing. She’s on the wing!!!!

Better remove those Mercedes badges to save yourself (additional) embarrassment. Also, careful around those terns!

He’s an addict and Munn was dying to be his new dealer.

General response to the Arthur Bates, Jr. School of Acting

Jalopnik’s trying to make “caught in 4K” happen.

Just remember to put the numbers on the dial backwards so you can open it in the mirror.

Rehab, check. Divorce, check. Shiny new girlfriend, check. I’m guessing next he’ll get really into Crossfit.