Again, The Takeout reminds us of what makes this country truly great. Immigrants who left everything behind to start over in a new country and make that country better. Some built bridges, some built subways, some cleaned, some repaired. Still more gave us wonderful things to eat. I had not heard of this marvelous…

Right?! This was 25 years ago so, you know, an old VHS episode... The mom-unit didn’t turn him in, he just knew she’d tell us (did) and it might unravel from there (boy howdy) so he tried to pre-empt it.

Wait so your mother caught your dad(her ex-husband), cheating on his new wife(step mom).  So she turned him in to said step-mom/second wife.  That is like soap opera level drama

I found out my ex was cheating when the librarian at my daughters school asked her if her dad was dating another kid’s mom because she saw them very publicly cuddling intimately at a football game. She begged to go to high school somewhere else because she was humiliated. Didn’t stop it either, he wad more pissed at…

Yup, this happened to my dad — He was having a romantic dinner with a blonde who wasn’t my step-mom (hey b***h!), when his ex-wife (hi Mom!) was seated a couple tables over. He made up some eye-roller about a business dinner and, having been busted, doubled-down on it with his wife later... The ensuing Thanksgiving…

I thought this was Chris Christie at first glance. I would have said I was disappointed in him, but. You know. 

“as a single woman I’m not good enough to fucking raise [my kids]” after having her children taken away”

“I don’t wanna hear that white people are the fucking plague all the time!”

“Once he’s good and high off sugar, Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) come to fluff his pillows...”

Remember what it was like to have a First Family representing us to rest of the world  that we could be proud of?

Or a kinda gross buddy cop movie staring Bruce Willis: Seese and the Cyst.

Target is using multiple logo’s for this.

Apparently I was very concerned about making sure you knew you won. Everything. 

I remember the day I was convinced that that Allison Robicelli was AOK was when she responded to my marry boff kill scenario of takeout writers past and present with “Kate, Kate, and the sworn enemies of Kate”

The whole point is to not unify them because it shakes the idea of a store brand from someone’s mind. Even if you still consciously realize it’s generic store brand, you subconsciously process it as something slightly more unique even though it's BS.

See, I was going for a fancy cursive font and industrial farmhouse decor.

Sure to be sued soon by the firm Cease+Desist, which specializes in defamation suits and other PR issues in the Pacific Northwest region.

I always enjoyed your stuff.  You will be missed. Good luck.

“Good & Gather” is a dumb nonsense name, the new packaging looks terrible, and they should be ashamed of themselves for stealing this small business’s name which seems perfectly blatant that they did. Their name means nothing whatsoever, the moment I saw it on shelves I found it baffling nonsense, and once news of…

umlauts can add that “ooh, it must be European” cache