You have a lot of intense feelings about these people I’ve never heard of before. Do you know them in some way?

I’m starting to see a lot of churches with rainbows on doors or windows in order to make the point that not all churches are the stereotype you think they are. I have no interest in heading inside at this point in my life, but it’s important not to lump everyone we think we disagree with together out of convenience…

Don’t think this woman’s ever really been a fundamentalist.

There are a large number of liberal/moderate churches out there. Being a Christian doesn’t mean being conservative.

I don’t think she goes to a traditional church.

Florida is killing me. WTF, Florida. You didn’t fuck up enough with Rubio?

Am I the only one who remembers that Rob’s sex tape was filmed while he was attending the DNC in Atlanta?

I’ve been oddly zen about the election all day, but my anxiety is starting to creep back up. If a big state doesn’t get called for Clinton soon, I might be blowing into a bag by the end of the hour. 

There’s three possibilities: either she really does care about the impropriety of talking about one’s politics to strangers (unlikely, but I’m willing to entertain it as a theory), she voted for Clinton and doesn’t want her family to know, or she voted for Trump and doesn’t want the public to know. I actually think…

You expect me to toss that jar of Spice Bay brand bay leaves I bought in ‘03 and have moved to two different homes? It cost me an entire $3.29! What am I, a Rockefeller?

If you can't smell your bay leaves, throw them out and buy new/better ones.

Yes, I know what it tastes like. Because I’ve tried tasting it on its own.

What does a bay leaf smell like? Nothing.

So this girl I know from high school is married to a guy with three kids, one in middle school (she's 25) and she has her own and she is literally CONSTANTLY posting shit about them with #blessed and CONSTANTLY posting pics of her and her husband and how happy they are AND she uses it to sell some essential oils crap…

I think bragging on your SO is totally fine if they're doing something hilarious and gross. "He brought me flowers #soblessed!" Gag. "He wrestled our toddler to the ground, pried her jaw open, squirted in penicillin, and then remained when she sneezed in his face, spraying him with pink flecks #soblessed!" Gold.

haha i just announced my pregnancy on FB (easiest way to reach out to most friends) and someone actually asked me "You were dating someone?". so yeah...i guess mine doesn't exist and this baby is in my womb by virtue of immaculate conception.

What relationship? I've never even been on a real date!

I have complimented my hubby on FB (literally) a few times. Mostly that's to make up for the fact I usually only mention him if gently mocking (with his permission) the embarrassing things he does. Haha.

Obviously they're not really #blessed until everybody knows how #blessed they are and are just dying of envy. Otherwise, the whole house of cards might fall down and they'd have to come to the realization that they're dissatisfied with their lives. Yeah, not so much "doth protest too much" as "I am special. I am…

Whatevs. Last week I went outside, walked to bus stop, bus pulled up with no waiting. I got off that bus, walked to transfer bus stop, bus pulled up with no waiting.