Wow. You must be fun at parties.

A friend of mine is a Brit who tells a story that he swears is true. Quite a few years back, he and another pommy bastard were traveling to Oz for business. At immigration control, the immigration officer asked his colleague if he had any criminal convictions. His friend, fancying himself a clever pommy bastard,…

Hey look, there are some kids on your lawn that need yelling at.

The dick is telling reporter about his plane.

As a black women: no one cares bitch. Fuck, nothing I hate more than white people who ‘check their privilege’ and think that is a political statement. Like, no, that shit just makes you feel better, it’s like saying you are ‘praying for the victims’ after a shooting. FUCKING DO SOMETHING.

I don’t think America’s abuela is in a position to talk about white privilege

Passengers on the Aaron Hernandez cruise, however, did not have nearly as much fun.

It’s like Alien vs. Predator but Legionnaire’s vs. Gonnorhea.

• An ambitious corn dog that escaped from the concession stand at a rural Alabama fairground, stole an unattended wig, hopped a freight train to Atlantic City and never looked back

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.