Mark it: 9:41 AM Eastern Standard Time, December 1st 2015. The day “Let’s Pizza” entered my everyday vocabulary

I have no actual opinion on the main point of all of this, but am I the only one grossed out by “EggBanxx”? Was “EggBank” taken? Even just “EggBanx”? Not sexxy enough? We needed two xs? Why do we need to feel like this is an egg bank/strip club?

As should domestic abusers, who should under NO circumstances be allowed to legally acquire guns...Oh. Wait. Isn’t that already the case?

One year my mother put the turkey in the oven and accidentally set it to “clean.” This setting heats the oven to 1000 degrees and locks the oven door for several hours. Panic ensued when she tried to open the door to baste the turkey, and discovered her error. We had almost resigned ourselves to watching the bird…

Once upon a time I was Queen of the Mashed Potatoes land. Then at the age of seven they became a wave of thick glue inside my mouth and I would become nauseous. I begged and pleaded not to have mashed potatoes on my plate to no avail.

One time my college-age brother, who is bipolar but refuses to be medicated, felt that Thanksgiving was an appropriate time to hold himself hostage with a gun to his head in the back yard, demanding that our dad give him money (more than he already was) to buy drugs. So then the cops came and he was forcibly strapped…

Ok, when I was like 11 or 12, I was at my cousins house with a big group of family, 20-30 people. After dinner, all the kids wanted to play hide and go seek. I went and hid in the closet of the guest bathroom which was adjacent to the toilet- big mistake. After a few minutes, one by one, family members would come in…

I think this split has been building all along through the movies. Cap starts out as the very embodiment of pro-government patriotism—which has steadily been eroded by Fury’s secret programs, the discovery of the Hydra master plan, and the general change of America towards distrusting it’s leaders. Meanwhile, Tony…

A 10 year old in my class was bleeding profusely today because he tried to sharpen his finger in his pencil sharpener to “see what would happen”. A 10 year old. With no cognitive problems. So I have zero problems believing that a kid would jam 45 of these stupid things in their hair.

And she posted her “letter” online. Real ladies send thank you notes in the mail.

I love it because it looks like wetsuits, and because that style makes my figure look absolutely bombin’.

I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH REPETITION

Miss Piggy doesn’t deserve Kermit; she’s selfish and vain and he is open-minded and kind. People these days are too politically correct to admit it, but it’s true. #misspigyny

They took that pastor’s wife and baby...

Me too!

Take charge. :)

“She looks like a clown’s whore.”

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

“If you’d just BRUSH your hair more often it would look good!”

Dad when I was 15: “You could stand to lose a few...” I was around 135 then...and I’m 5’7”.