Alternative headline:

Scene opens: A man, blonde, not too closely removed from an athletic life sips a bourbon out of a highball glass.

the best part about the cleveland browns is we all eventually die

Guy’s been getting stymied his whole career!

Probably the Olympics.

Sure, the Buss brothers don’t seem very competent or well-liked, but, if you get to know them, they are actually incompetent and disliked.

“Van Helsing staked pain in me.” - Dracula

Debut Album tracklist:

That Hanzal is so hot right now.

Looks like it’s Famine time in the Feaster household

getting into the oxmerkin business takes balls - nearly every situation is a hairy one, its seriously nuts.

Meanwhile, LHS noseguard Alex Oxmerkin has yet to see the limelight or the light of day.

Just look at the good Americans she beat out. They are literally starving.

Tom Brady shouldn’t sit on his opinions. Stay in his lane? No longer an option. If he still supports DT, he needs to lay down or play dead; no matter how fetch he looks in those Uggs, people won’t stand on their hind legs for it long term.

True story. I once dumped a girl because her favorite cracker was a Triscuit. I couldn’t look her in the eye after learning this. Well that and she fucked my roommate. I still get bitter and angry about it all these years later. Triscuits? How could she have been such a bad person?

It’s okay. The Lakers are young and exciting and the Yankees are always pretty good; but damn, sorry about bama.

Jimmy Fallon.

This comment is going places! Just don’t forget who starred you when you make it to the top!

My mom owns me online constantly.