We all just need to realize she probably thinks it’s a chore because of how frequently Cutler aims for one target, misses, and hits another.

Why do I think that most anti-vaxxers also believe in astrology? It’s totally unsubstantiated but sounds right so it must be true. At least according to the rules laid down by astrology.

Mercury is in retrograde! Thank god I am no longer accountable for my choices and impulses and instead can just be lead around by id and confirmation bias! Phew! Science is just, like, your opinion man!

Exes might live in Texas, but the trashy doppelgangers are ALL ours ;)

It’s what happens when her alter ego, Messica, comes out to play.

This is why dogs are better than cats, people.

Cats are the worst.

ugh. the thought of five sets of shitty little cat feet tracking litter everywhere makes me gag.

Not loose, you’re supposed to carry them around!

I was okay with her until she stole my husband John Kransinski and had his baby. Now she will forever have a voodoo doll likeness in my room.

Jim Gaffigan: or is from Western Europe, probably.

How to look like Kylie: Look at Kim’s Instagram/Twitter pictures from six months ago.

Bichons have a tendency to take over your soul. My family used to have one. On Day 1, my Dad said, “I do not love dogs, not since my childhood Beagle, Skippy, died in my arms on Christmas day.”
On Day 2, my Dad was singing to the Bichon in a falsetto.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

Tattoos are frowned upon in Judaism. Yom Kippur is the highest of holidays where you’re supposed to the spend the day fasting, praying, and atoning. Guess who was in the middle of getting a new tattoo when she looked at the calendar on her phone and noticed it was Yom Kippur?

My brother (Jewish) was dating a Catholic girl with a lovely and welcoming family. They invited him to Easter, where they customarily served ham. But they wanted to be accommodating to his beliefs (not that it matter because he was not observant and did not keep kosher, but they didn’t know that). So, when the whole…

I guess this counts as sacrilegious, but funny, stupid and blown out of proportion. My aunt used to be a nun, and she left the convent, married a Jew and converted. My Babcia was hosting Thanksgiving at her house, and my aunt made a huge deal out of having a kosher turkey for her husband and in-laws. It was important,…

“No darling, I don’t mind if you kill the alligators, I just want them to drink champagne before they’re sent to the abattoir.”