I can’t begin to say how deeply I regret how much that reads like an endorsement of football, which is an abominable sport.

Maybe a concussion makes this more readable?

David Brooks: the less charismatic idiot cousin of George Will

Mad high school kids read Brooks and make tweets about how on top of fleek he has always been.

“I know how eagerly you kids wait, counting down the days between my columns, rushing home after—I dunno, practice?—to tear through the opinion section twice a week.”

Both cause brain damage. Find another way.

Moral of the story: if you don’t let your kids play football, they don’t have to read as many David Brooks columns.

I was just sitting here laughing about the fact that he might imagine that there is one high school student, a football player no less, reading his column. I mean, that’s a hilarious image.

Depends; does the byline count as a sentence?

I got there in one. Any time an old, white person uses a minority’s name as a verb (or in this case, a noun, as folks have kindly pointed out), you know the take is just starting to heat up.