I accept!

Don't give one fuck about where people choose to pee. So long as it's not on the seat.

This is something I'm slowly realizing. My life dream was to be married to a great guy with an amazing career and I'd just take care of him. That was it. All I wanted. And then at 30 and a failed 9 year relationship I realized that it wasn't going to happen. So I went to grad school and started doing the types of…

For you youngsters:

As a fellow Old (in Hwood terms that's like "over 30"), I really appreciate that her go-to for "stoner" is CHEECH AND CHONG.

That's enough internet for today. I'm out. Good bye y'all, I'll remember you all in therapy.

that was my life, 6 days a week, for 5 years...

I work a bridal gown sale every year. It's in a nice hotel and the gowns are just expensive enough to attract the worst of the worst... Think "I'd like to speak with a manager" haircuts and (OMG real) Coach bags (from three seasons ago.)

I bought my wedding dress in a city where none of my friends or relatives lived because we had just moved when we decided to get married. I went shopping alone. I thought it was going to be sad but it was nice, I could really chose what I liked the most. When I was trying on my favorite dress the mother of another…

To be honest I don't even believe that she's a virgin. She is using it for attention on the show. What else makes her stand out? There have been virgins on the show who mention it once, on a one on one date, privately, and it never comes up again. Those I believe. But this entire cast is attention whorey as hell so…

The perverts up by the stage would be, I suppose, venture fapitalists?

Oh come on. Kanye at least has some talent as a musician (quite a lot I would say but not as much as he seems to think). I don't think I've ever seen a creative Kardashian.

It's not that "people don't want to hear" that it was easy for you to lose weight. They may be envious, but your journey to weight loss is totally valid, easy though it was. What people don't want to hear is "It was easy for me to lose weight, so you must be lying if you say it's hard for you." People are all…

Same. I get the "you are SO tan what is your secret?" "Being birthed from a brown lady" is usually my response.

OK, so you get a point for Tom Petty (a Petty Point!) but seriously, having a large ex-NY/NJ geriatric Jewish population does not really put FL in a better light.

shout out to my mom though — our convo last night inspired me to get the stuff to make this pot roast when I'm stuck inside tomorrow

Remember everyone: the purpose of the fridge/freezer in your life is to keep food cold. So if there's a snowstorm that knocks out the power, you have not lost your only supply of food: you can take advantage of that SAME SNOW and just put a bunch of stuff from your fridge outside.

I am really glad that your parents love you because my mom was all no 1 curr.

THAT'S NOT WHAT YOUR MOM SAID.

I used to order pizza for, I swear to god, the pickiest bunch of D&D players ever to grace a varnish-peeling kitchen table. (Various players' limitations included: No anchovies, no pineapple, no bell peppers, no mushrooms, no onions, no vegetables at all, no plain cheese, no tomato sauce, and the mutually exclusive…