The contractions felt like menstrual cramps from Hell. The poop felt like exactly that. Poop. I might have been in out of my mind, complete psychosis pain, but I knew when I had to go.

In all honesty, I was trying to go to the bathroom before I had my daughter, and the nurses kept telling me that I didn't have to go, that the baby was coming. So they wouldn't let me sit on the toilet. Long story short, after I sprayed poop all over the nurse, requiring a shirt change, my daughter was indeed born…

I have no butt envy, as I have enough of my own, thankyouverymuch. A woman that routinely sits behind me at church describes it as a "teacup booty". Finding pants that fit without a huge gap in the back is always a fun challenge, as well as constantly adjusting skirts because of the constant dip in the front and…

I'll take two, please. To go! Please, and Thank you!

I go with medical reasons. I saw that he was being treated by a urologist, so I looked it up out of curiosity: http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/men/990…

Amateurs! I am closing in on having been celibate for ten (yes 10) years. I initially started this because I needed to do some serious self reflection, and ended up sticking with it because I want to be sure I am getting into another relationship because it is a good relationship, not just taking anything I can get…

What? No exploding ovaries gifs? You disappoint me, fellow, Jezzies.

This is currently the corner of my living room, courtesy of my 10 year old daughter (I shit you not!):

Probably because I am old as dirt (42) for these parts, I wrote a blog post last Saturday night about this exact same thing: http://www.houseofperpetualdistraction.com/thoughts-feeli…

YES! Bring the New Wave! :)

That list WAS rather funny. I am almost too familiar with #4,5,and 10. I guess I have to hand in my Black card because I don't really care for Beyonce's music that much. She's okay, just not my thing.

This is SKA, dammit!

Yes and no. I mentioned in the blog post that I linked that I left the relationships with the fathers up to them, and for the most part stayed out of it unless I had no choice but to intervene. Believe me when I say that mileage DEFINITELY varied.

I am a never married single parent of two. Each of my children has their father's last name. My only reason for doing so was because I never liked my own last name. It is far too ethnically identifiable, in a negative way, and near the end of the alphabet. I liked the last names of both of my children's fathers,…

According to People, they may use the donation for improved cat housing.

After investing this much time in it, I have to know how it ends. As painful as that might be. I am also cruelly amused at watching the Eric/Sookie 'shippers meltdowns on social media. The Eric fans are an unusually obsessed lot, and the 'shippers are funny/scary to boot.

Now that True Blood has wrapped and Anna Paquin is no longer contractually obligated to have blond hair, the 31-year-old actress celebrated by going all out.

I feel so OLD all of a sudden, realizing that I was in the 11th grade when this song came out. I loved it back then, now I am siting here uttering embarrassed chuckles at the sheer ridiculousness of this video.

I agree with this premise. There is far more to it than either of you is admitting, esp. as it concerns kids only going as far as you allow them to go. You do need to be firm, as kids are smart enough to realize when they can easily walk all over you. But you also have to be wise enough to pick your battles…

There is all manor of candy, chips, pre-pacaked ice cream and other goodies on the truck. He also makes chili fritos, and nachos, so he is pretty popular.