I went to a wedding once where a baby was crying in the front row for about 1 minute and finally the bride turned around and gave the woman the death stare and she quickly exited the room with her baby.

Like this is news. I'm going to die alone and be eaten by raccoons but I still know what I'd like for my wedding that will never happen. I don't even know why I think about it every so often.

Do they have a foot spray in Turkey branded "Paradise"?

"Well, I thought you'd have lost weight before trying to date."

If we were going to have an actual relationship, I would have to "get rid of them".

To be fair though it's still a step above being way to into Hemmingway.

I do not understand neurotypical people who don't read. If it's a painful and stressful slog, cool, but one of my neighbors once said, when I asked about her books, "Oh, I don't know what they're about. I don't really read. Ever. Even magazines. Those are just for decoration." I was saddened.

People who snidely correct your use of the English language, doubly so when they're actually wrong. Anyone who mocks your childhood crushes.

Didn't believe in vaccinations. Ended it right there.

It's never come up, but I could never be with someone who didn't love animals or who expected me to give up my pets.

Rabid homosexual activists

I am thrice divorced, I hate gays, and I LIVE IN A VAN, DOWN BY THE RIVER.