Never be clever... there’s a rock song by that title... Herman Brood I think.

The other day I did sort of lose track of how many cars I own! Someone asked me and suddenly I was like, “oh my gosh. Is it 5 or is it 6? I have 5 cars right? No....6? It could it be 7??” But then I realized I was thinking of bananas. I had 5 BANANAS at home. Easy mistake.

Oh Beiber. You’re pretty but you’re simple.

Try that with a goose, but be sure someone is filming, you can post it for us to laugh at.

is it too late now to say sorry?

It’s simple. She’s voting for the candidate who cares about the issues and has a plan! And not the candidate who supports building a time machine, and going back in time to the year 33 AD so they can be part of the mob that killed Jesus. Her candidate would never do that.

yes

Yeah, I understand maybe a couple of sentences in this. Huh?

No one can afford Austin anymore.

I didn’t get it either but after a few re-reads, I think that is the joke. I think she’s trying to vaguely argue against/for both candidates to sum up what every pro-Sanders and pro-Clinton fan has said in the past few months.

“Rather, I am going to loudly tell you who I am voting for.”

If you have to live in Texas, Austin is the safest. I also have a soft spot for San Antonio.

Austin is crowded enough, tbh. Go live in Colorado Springs or something.

Yeah, it is kind of nuts because Dallas has some pretty good food but NO good Mexican food. It’s really confusing. Overall Houston has the better food scene though. Both cities are awful, comparing them is like comparing diarrhea and diarrhea with blood in it. Yeah, one is worse, but they are both really shitty.

You should, because birds are terrible.

It’s a shame to be shit on for what your dad did.

I was attacked by a seagull in Venice. Bitch stole my delicious spinach and ricotta sandwich, scratched my hand, AND shit on me!

Maybe they mean during sex? Been with my partner 12 years and neither of us have farted during sex. Bit of a mood killer.

I’ve been with my partner for six years and I’ve only heard him fart once, by accident, and it was embarrassing for both of us.