According to the blurb at the beginning he's a Thompson's Ground Squirrel and he'll thank you to remember it.

He defeated that tomato, Mike. He devoured its flesh. And he's coming for you.

If by "ugly cousin" you mean "awkwardly adorable cousin who kind of tags along with his cooler, older cousins but can never really keep up," then yes.

do you guys taste a difference between a cherry and grape tomato?

LOL. I don't know what even. I can't. What? The internet is weird.

This is a Mary Poppins squirrel.

You have needle-like claws, you dumbass squirrel! Just stab it! Stab it! Ugh!

A prairie dog, right? Or something similar? Is a woodchuck a squirrel?

I take them all, thanks.

As someone who has trouble stabbing a cherry tomato with a fork, I can't critique this adorable squirrel.

I once watched a squirrel hide behind a tree and, when a pigeon landed nearby, it ran towards it at full speed. When the pigeon flew away, the crazy little furball did a few Mary Lou Retton-on-mushrooms back and side flips. It then ran back to its post and repeated the whole damn thing with another bird. I was…

Okay, I just can't. Hey, squirrel! Where's your ears? Where's your tail? You call yourself a squirrel?

Where are its ears? What's up with its tail? What the fuck kind of squirrel is this?

Some are better than others. Back in the early 1990s, they had freeze dried fruit bars that you could add water to and you would have a syrupy fruit to put on top of pound cake. I just ate it freeze-dried and it was SO GOOD!

Don't try to top from the bottom, Dax. Just enjoy the ride. That's why the FSM gave us 280lb studs in the first place.

Jay-Z's music streaming subscription service.

Yeah. What was that all about? Rich man privilege?

I read that tweet 3 times and was still all like

Your homeless jokes aren't funny. Even if they were supposed to be bitcoin jokes.