Maybe you should have just sucked it up and had sex in the old people's beds.

When FSU got down early, my brother, who was rooting for FSU, said Jameis Winston had the Ducks right where he wanted them.

Arby's is throwing some shade.

Tough break for the Lions, losing Suh for the entirety of the playoffs.

On the plus side, if a runner does get shot at least they get one of those 30.06 stickers.

"Light blue is always skim."

I hate to tell you this and throw more disorder into the system, but around these parts, skim milk caps are pink.

Speaking of canceling races, have the police killed all the black people yet?

Hate you.

He knew the animal should be tested for rabies, so he grabbed a crescent wrench with the aim of subduing it.

Why isn't a chicken all dark meat?

Fortunately, Cutler is immune to criticism. Unlike his kids, who aren't immune to a goddamn thing.

I'm a Cardinals fan and I wouldn't be caught dead in that shirt. Mostly because I'm white.

NBA: This is too sexy

How does Ohio get thrown into the Midwest? It definitely is not West and not even Mid. Get out of my area Ohio.

Yeah. Wrote it one handed.

Final note: Turns out your former All-Pro safety is an alleged serial rapist. So that's fun.

Panchero's isn't bad either.

Would have been far more effective in removing the lint had he started from the bottom.

This is about the only time you'll ever see, 9 out of 10 next to JR Smith's name.

Can someone answer a question for an ignorant young person? Does this mean that when I want a vodka tonic, I should specify my brand to get better quality and a better deal, or else assume they'll give me the crappiest stuff they have by default? Because I sort of feel like naming a brand seems kind of pretentious,…