I’ll just keep saying this every time that you post about a legal proceeding/decision/event, can you please ask an actual lawyer to provide a thoughtful analysis? Like, for example, how these lawsuits were completely frivolous and how the law (in certain states and federal courts) tries to prevent such frivolity by…

Her husband works for one of the largest firms in the country with hundreds of big name clients. He works in their healthcare group. There is nothing to see here.

Nah. From the outside of soccer fandom, I get the impression that Ronaldo is a humorless twat, while Zlatan is a delightfully arrogant bastard. Both men have massive egos and reputations, but Zlatan appears to have and be much more fun with his.

If that Chinese swimmer was a phenom 4 years ago, won a lot in the interim, and was subject to USADA testing, then no...probably not. Also, how much of a doping fuss has the American media made about Usain Bolt? He consistently bests our guys (some of which have been popped) in a sport we care about and he’s still…

Sorry. Patient/fake-doctor privilege.

God, you are insufferable. I honestly think Deadspin only keeps you on to troll soccer fans. Now STFU and go beat off to Arsenal 03-04 highlights.

Someone on TVTropes once pointed out that her dresses accentuate armor-like fashion as part of her Freudian excuse—she desperately wants to be a man. In many ways, the relationship with Jaime is caused by this at the root. I think that Lena Headey even once said in an interview that she thought as much. I honestly…

From a friend living in Croatia: "This game exemplifies Croatia as a country pretty well. Good good good Nazis fuck."

Benzema
The only explanation is racism!

I had almost tricked myself into thinking that Billy Haisley was going to ignore Real Madrid’s Champions League title altogether, before I realized that he hates them far too much to do a thing like that.

The ball will sit there, untouched at mid-pitch, both teams eyeballing it like a hand grenade with the pin pulled.

If they meet in the group stages, both fixtures end in scoreless draws. In the knock-out rounds, it remains like that until the inevitable round of penalties at the end of the second match puts a merciful…

So if Athletic Madrid play Leicester in next year’s Champions League, which team is going to possess the ball?

“I tried that and got a 4-month ban.” - Luis Suarez

I have a really hard time buying into the talent dilution argument: every person who makes it prefaces it with the fact the quality of the MLS is mediocre to begin with, so you risk lowering an already substandard product. Personally, I think this is nonsense. There’s a near-infinite supply of players at the MLS…

The league is going about this the right way. Eventually they’ll get to 32-36 teams, and then you can start talking about taking off some of the restraints of the current league economics and put promotion/relegation in place (even if it’s just 1 or 2 teams swapping per season). They know where they want to get, but…

“players who fit that bill and are willing to choose MLS over a European league are of finite supply”

You think tomorrow’s game is going to be crowd pleasing? Athletico Madrid is absolutely brutal to watch. Great tactics, ballin-ass coach? Wont argue with that, but they are worse to watch than late season Chelsea from last year. How bout no goals over two games against PSV IN THE ROUND OF 16, PSV! Fuck Athletico…

I predict there will not be a single Tottenham fan complaining that none of the actual goals were shown and the focus was on this hilarious miss.

1) This dumb election has made every single politically minded person lose their minds and I can’t wait until it’s over

Ladies and gents: I’ve been here at Jezebel for a loooooooong time now and I would like to welcome you all to Jezebel Wedding Bingo. Here are some of your squares

-City hall
-Simple dinner with friends
-Marriage is pointless and sexist
-Engagement rings are sexist
-Wedding dresses are sexist
-Choosing to take your husband’s…